For some reason, driving
in the rain causes me no small
amount of anxiety, and in it,
I began to stress about who I am.

A woman of double standards,
who is continuously torn
between who she is and who
she knows she ought to be.
A girl who’s still afraid of the dark
and doesn’t know how
to properly express her emotions.
a wretch who often refuses
to pray for her enemies
and who does not pour out her love
as much as she ought to.
A student who procrastinates until the end of the very last
A daughter who can’t quite
figure out how to be the girl
her parents need her to be.
A friend who always evaluates
relationships based on whether
or not people are going to leave her.
A Christian who does not often
enough practice her preaching.
A hypocrite who blesses God one moment
and then complains the next.
A child who is disorganized, petty,
foolish, impulsive–and who
sometimes wonders if she even
shows any signs of change.

I look at these pieces of myself
and I wonder who could love
such a woman as I am.
I see my flaws, my imperfections–
I see my double standards,
the things I ought to change
but somehow can’t quite bring
myself to. I see a saint who looks
quite a lot like a sinner.

The End

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