i liked the new porcelain girls,
but then they grew mean,
their words biting at me like teeth
sharp, and carnivorous,
hungry for blood
they snapped at me constantly so i was always on guard
they said it distracted me from food
i smiled and laughed with them when they said
pretending i believed them
but inside i could feel my stomach churning
and my head screaming
wrong, wrong, wrong
but i crossed these thoughts out of my mind making
wrong, wrong, wrong,
right, right, right
believing them made me happy,
i didn't want to hurt their feelings.
they called me fat,
their lips curling on the word
not disguising their disgust at the thought
they picked at my skin like vultures,
showing the tiniest rolls of fat,
and magnifying them,
larger than earth,
larger then life
i suggested diets,
but they raised their eyebrows in a way that suggested a diet
would not be good enough.
my mouth dry with fear,
that i felt sick when i did not eat,
but they merely rolled their eyes and whispered amongst each other,
making it clear they were talking about me.
we could work out a nice compromise,
so everyone would be happy,
but as soon as i said this,
the porcelain girls surrounded me,
chewing gum and glaring daggers at me,
their lips sneered as they told me that i was so fat,
that is simply could not eat.
they went around one at a time launching their insults at me
wiping my tears away,
then licking their fingers,
after they all had their turns,
they launched at me,
transforming into cheetahs,
sleek, slender, and vicious
their words attacked me,
biting into my flesh,
alerting me to my flaws,
changing my hair to stringy noodles,
my stomach to a watermelon,
my eyes to little beady holes,
and my ears to tubas.
and as they paced around me,
snarling at me occasionally ,
they were to familiar.
would soon be dying,
and their team seemed
much more likely to win.
the days continued with me in the hospital,
because after i became humpty dumpty,
and took my great fall
i was put back into a blank walled hospital room
these blank walls make me want to draw
one day i mentioned this,
but the doctor waved me off telling me
i was on suicide watch and not permitted,
i stared at his back until he left the room,
for innocence and Saturday morning cartoons,
eating all the sugary, calorie filled donuts i wanted.
i cried for crying during my childhood,
not because i thought i was about to die,
but merely because i was scared of the dark,
and all the hidden monsters,
or because i was not permitted to play for "just a few more minutes"
i thought of this,
and i cried harder.
i yearn for the old porcelain girls,
so encouraging in their words,
even when i felt like dying,
they made me happy.
those porcelain girls are the reason i feel
No, no, no folks
end of show,
the curtains closing,
you can leave now,
as long as you remember to forget
those thoughts were false
go on, hook me up to a lie detector
did i mention i compulsively lie?
trust me, those were the wrong words,
out of someone else's head,
but certainly not my head
i would never think that,
i love the porcelain girls.