unbreakable 1


How I loathe my patrilinial kin

Now they’ve gone and locked me in!

When I woke up this morning bright

There to greet me was the sight

Of the implacable front door,

And a note upon the floor.

“Hehe,” it read in letters vile

“We thought this joke would bring a smile!

To prove your worth in our family.

You will have to find the key.

We’ve locked the door, there’s no escape

The windows are held down with tape.

Inside you will have to stay,

Though you’re due at work today.

You won’t get out! You’ll lose your job!

You shouldn’t laze in bed, you slob.

While you were all soundly sleeping

About our business we were creeping

Blocking every escape route

Don’t it just make you stamp and shout?

All we say is find the key,

That is the way that you’ll get free.

Just find the key, and you’ll be free.

Sincerely, Your Loving Family.”

Oh, how I gnashed my teeth and raged

At this awful prank they’d staged.

I tore the note up into shreds

Scattered the pieces on their beds.

Those evil, machinating freaks!

I’d pay them back, if it took me weeks!

Now I had to find that key

If I ever wanted to be free.

If I wished to retain my job.

(Here I choked back a bitter sob)

Well, I hunted low and I hunted high,

That key just had to be nearby.

But everywhere I was denied.

So many places a key might hide.

I gave up and attacked the door

Battered until my fists were sore.

I fetched a hammer, then a lever,

From the kitchen I grabbed a cleaver.

I tried to pick the lock with a skewer,

With pins, hair-grips and nothing fewer

Than a dozen kebab prongs,

While inventing several revenge songs.

I gave up and I fetched the axe

I hacked that door, I dealt it whacks.

That confounded door didn’t flinch

I swear it never moved an inch.

I roared and hammered, bashed and beat

That door, I kicked it with my booted feet.

I ran at it and with my shoulder

Smashed it, but I just fell over,

Screaming in most dreadful pain.

Then I ran at it again.

I bombarded it with mortar shells

Music at a thousand decibels.

At one point it seemed to quiver

The hinges gave a little shiver,

But it was only taunting me

I heard it snigger nastily.

My hands by now were bloodied lumps

My shirt was ruined, and my pumps

Were hanging by a single thread.

My arms and legs ached, and my head

Was bruised and scabbed and awful sore

From my battles with that door.

It truly was unbreakable

From its purpose most unshakable

It was made to keep me in

I sighed, I conceded it the win.

I tottered broken down the hall

The scene of my inglorious fall.

Defeated by my own front door.

I crashed out, prone upon the floor.

And when I could breathe again, began

To make a Machiavellian plan.

My evil family would pay

For trapping me inside all day.

The End

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