You get so used to throwing yourself in front of danger you forget what safety and home feel likeMature

I throw myself
at danger
the same way
a comet
throws itself
through space.
I place myself
at the forefront
of cliffs
and stare death
when it's underneath
my feet
in the face-
swinging my feet
over the edges
eyes closed
in the sun.
I throw myself
at death
almost like
a beggar,
that any day
might take me.
"How lonely
to be something
that nothing
wants to kill."
sleeping life off
and waking up every day
staring at the sky
walking different paths
and different lives
and different people
and at this point
it's no longer
throwing myself
in the face of death
it's walking the line
toeing it
like a tightrope
a thousand feet up
not caring
that I could slip
and fall.
It's not staring
in death's eyes
any step
could be my last.
It's sitting on the edge
of every cliff
it's walking the alleys
at two am
not caring
about the noises
or the people
it's "If you fall, you will die!"
and laughing
and sitting, climbing anyway
I'm not so sure
if I'm doing it
because I want to
or more so
because I can,
because people
wouldn't stop me
no matter
where I went
that I'd come back.
These days
it's part of who I am,
arms out
taking the wind
like I have wings,
as if I fly
with danger
ruffling my feathers
the same way
the wind
moves the leaves.
These days
I throw myself
at danger
as I regain
the rest of my emotions,
as I get back to
who I used to be,
as I become
who I'm meant to be
I throw myself
at danger
to bring my emotions back
to bring my head back
to bring myself back-
It takes
a lot of time
to come back
from searching,
even longer
when you're home
and it wasn't home then
but it's home now,
and you're searching-
home became home
because of different eyes
different voices
different people
home became home
because things clicked into place
and maybe
it isn't permanent
but god
it's good enough
it's close enough
I throw myself at danger
because these days
it's safer than ever
and I'm not there yet
but I'm closer
than I used to be,
not waiting
under streetlights
or tossing myself
in the path
of asteroids,
for the same sky of stars
that I fell from.

The End

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