Ages are memories and coming to terms with yourself- it's always a slow process but you exist and oh god you matterMature

I want to live.
I am eighteen
with three weeks
until I have
my diploma-
until a thousand eyes
watch us walk
one by one.
I am seventeen
with loud
good people,
the sound of energy
and feeling lost.
I am sixteen
metal in my mouth
and fire in my veins.
I am fifteen
at the top of the rocks
sun in my eyes
in my bones.
I am fourteen
there are so many people
everything is new
and goes by
too fast.
I am thirteen
and hatred
in my soul-
in my veins,
that can't change.
I am twelve
it's hot
we aren't home-
home beckons
the sweet taste of rain
and soggy days.
I am eleven
turned their backs
and I-
was made an outcast
left to suffer the fire
I am ten
we drink blue-moon shakes
eat video game cakes
and live in green, green trees.
I am nine
with movie merchandise
and sleeping on trampolines,
hiding at night
and not bothering to dream.
I am eight
feet against volcanic asphalt
wheels against concrete
on a street
that no longer exists.
I am seven
the year
everything else
goes downhill
and I am not a child.
I am six
with a puppy-dog tee
purple jeans
and Clifford costumes.
I am five
learning how to read
and singing in the morning
too young
to be anything else.
I am four
still much too small
for the fun rides
and easy to trick.
I am three
cracking my head
on a cabinet
and popping red balloons.
I am two
in a sheep onesie
and chasing spiders
and sleeping softly.
I am one
dancing in the bath
smashing cupcakes
and crawling into bags.
I am nothing
a miracle
and inches away
from a mistake.
I am eighteen
I matter.
I exist-
whether it's for a purpose
or not.
I am eighteen
sporting scars
and wearing tears
like jewelry
not broken
and not whole.
I am eighteen
sneaking out at night
searching for something-
something to make me whole.
I am eighteen
walking past glass
standing in broken buildings
over-looking cities and towns
with stories to tell.
I am eighteen
avoiding heat
and spikes
and blades-
I am in control.
I am eighteen
"So you want to live?"
Oh god
I want to live.

The End

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