You can only be so good for so longMature

can only last
so long.
It’s been months
since an incident.
You’ve forgotten.
You don’t think about it
at all.
Then something happens
It’s innocent
A dog
scratches you.
And you stop.
You’re frozen
But you’re on autopilot
You keep moving
But you can only think
About the blood
on your skin
And the warmth
coursing in your veins.
You take a shower
that night
and you’re clouded
for two hours.
You sit there
for twenty minutes
Biting your lip
and hitting your head
against the wall
on the verge
of bad decisions
But you stop.
You do your best
to distract yourself
And somehow
it only lasts
so long.
You stare at the scabs
and afraid
You stare at pill bottles
and slam cabinet doors
Knowing you can’t at all
be trusted
And you’re terrified
that you’re slipping again
that you’ll do something stupid again
and you know what you’re supposed to do
you’re supposed to reach out
you’re supposed to tell someone
that you’re falling again
but you can’t.
You are too afraid.
You are on this corner of bad decisions
and you can’t even help yourself.

The End

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