Depression (18/5/2012)

I'm getting sick and tired of this
No matter how hard I try
Making myself laugh and smile
Somehow it sneaks up on me
Somehow I'm crying again

How is it I'm happy one moment
Then the next it all changes
The familiar dull feeling encases my mind
My body refusing to cry
I know that feeling won't go away
Unless its released
In anger or pain

So I make myself feel so sad
Because tears are the safest
Only I'm the one who's hurt
And its something I can do alone
No bothering others with my problems
No feeling ashamed cause I can't stand

It's gone on far too long
And I can't even work out the reason why
I can state the obvious things
But honestly I'm desensitised
After all these years
That one event doesn't really bother me

But somehow so many small things
I don't cope like others do
I'm a wreck
A hopeless mess
And if you'll excuse me
I need a moment
Just the one to calm my thoughts

Need to let the realistic me take over
Before the depression overruns
Before it starts to wonder
Why I don't just give up
I remember writing a poem a while ago
Saying I could recall depression

God I was such a liar
Claiming I'd recovered
Depression is a fatal thing
Because it seems to me
It never leaves 

The End

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