Basically I'm aware that this poem is very simply written- the rhymes are simple and the whole thing's quite repetitive- but I really needed to get it all out of my system. I wrote this in a draft text on my phone last night when I didn't have my computer and had had a really tough night, so it's pretty shoddy, but I needed to do it, and I needed to put it somewhere.
At first I was loathe to let you see
What it is you've done to me.
But now, oh God I wish you knew
The mess I am because of you.
When I thought it was just spite,
I saw the bait but refused to bite:
I wouldn't let you be satisfied
By seeing this and how much I've cried.
If you were just hurt, I'd hide it still,
Keep quiet, waiting for "until."
But now, I just don't know anymore.
You see me, blank me, walk out the door.
So now, I actually want you to see,
And know that this isn't what you should be.
So look at me, look at this mess,
Look at cut hands wringing the folds of a dress,
Look at my face, look at my eyes,
Look how I've lost all will to disguise.
Look at me, and let me say
I hope it hurts to see me this way.
You don't see it yet, but when you do,
Please note his voice of comfort too.
See the love and care and pain,
See there's nothing you can gain.
See he loves me, holds me close,
See the care that only he shows.
Know he keeps me safe and steady:
I'd tell you but I'm not sure you're ready.
You could never handle this,
Couldn't handle the love that's in his kiss.
So I almost hope that soon you see,
Almost hope it hurts you as much as me.
You need to know just what you've done,
But most of all, please know we've won,
Because I'm his now, for good, old friend,
And though I wouldn't have this be the end
All you ever wanted was one thing from me
And that's someone I could never be.
If seeing me like this hurts, perhaps it should...
If you ever truly cared, it would.