Me body is shaking, mind is spinning and
The metal razor is gaining weight in my hand.
I want it so bad,
To sense the numbing adrenaline coursing through my veins,
To once more feel empowered
I want to reach that state where I can let it all go.
Please stop me,
Put and end to my madness
Force me, Hit me, Kill me
Whatever you must do please do it now
For I am desperate.
It is mocking me with its blade
And my body is weaning towards it
I know it is bad
I know it is wrong
But I crave it so.
And why not?
Its not like I am hurting anyone,
I only seek for the pleasure bestowed upon myself.
The crimson red oozing down my arm
Life is a poison, and I solely seek to drain my body from it.
I raise my hand to my skin
The blade feels cool from the night.
My brain is screaming to stop and carry on at the same time!
I have no idea which side is right,
But I do know who is winning.
In a swift motion I cross the blade over my wrist
And smile as I await the pain.
It floods over me
Numbing my brain
Silencing the voices in my head
The mind is calm
I feel focused.
But in a few minutes the sensation is gone.
I curl up in a ball and cry.
How can I do this again?
Why do I keep falling into the same pattern?
I told myself the previous time was the last!
I feel weak, tired, and scared.
How did I become such a monster?
When will it ever end?