Me body is shaking, mind is spinning and

The metal razor is gaining weight in my hand.

I want it so bad,

To sense the numbing adrenaline coursing through my veins,

To once more feel empowered

I want to reach that state where I can let it all go.

Please stop me,

Put and end to my madness

Force me, Hit me, Kill me

Whatever you must do please do it now

For I am desperate.

It is mocking me with its blade

And my body is weaning towards it

I know it is bad

I know it is wrong

But I crave it so.

And why not?

Its not like I am hurting anyone,

I only seek for the pleasure bestowed upon myself.

The crimson red oozing down my arm

Life is a poison, and I solely seek to drain my body from it.

I raise my hand to my skin

The blade feels cool from the night.

My brain is screaming to stop and carry on at the same time!

I have no idea which side is right,

But I do know who is winning.

In a swift motion I cross the blade over my wrist

And smile as I await the pain.

It floods over me

Numbing my brain

Silencing the voices in my head

The mind is calm

I feel focused.

But in a few minutes the sensation is gone.

I curl up in a ball and cry.

How can I do this again?

Why do I keep falling into the same pattern?

I told myself the previous time was the last!           

I feel weak, tired, and scared.

How did I become such a monster?

When will it ever end?

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