Panic!

one of those school based panics, the usual

1 2 3 4
count your breaths
1 2 3 4 
count your steps
1 2 3 4
count the syllables in your mouth before you spit your opinions on other peoples plates
1 2 3 4
count your breaths
1 2 3 4
count your steps
1 2 3 4
count the heart beats ripping through your rib cage in an attempt to escape your grasp
breathe
count those finger taps
breathe
it's all wrong!
no no no no
1 2 3 4 
it's all in your head
count the letters in their name
make sure they're in pairs
1 2 3 4
count the hours you lie awake staring at the ceiling
1 2 3 4 
count how many times you've tried to forget that metallic taste in your mouth
how many problems youve tried to bury underneath stained sleeves and pencil shavings
1 2 3 4 
count your meals
1 2 3 4
count their freckles
1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3... 4
count your failures
disappointments
imperfections
flaws
mispronunciations
mistakes
sins. 
how many times have you lied awake at night wishing you were with them instead on crushing your aspirations and dreams like glass between your teeth
1 2 3 4
count the days you skip meals
1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 
count the years it will take for your sharpie laced arms to fade
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
count your breaths
1 2 3 4
count your steps
1 2 3 4
I have never had enough space in my lungs to remind you that you take my breath away
perfection.
and I never will be.
1 2 3 4
count how many times it takes to kiss them correctly
1 2 3 4
count your erasers
1 2 3 4
count the voices in your head that are collecting cobwebs and dust in the corners of your eyes- im not sure if they remember what they said to me that night but I'll never forget
1
1 2 
1 2 3
1 2 3 4
count how many hits it takes to forget your name
1 2 3 4
1 2 3
1 2
1
what am i counting for?

Count how many kisses it takes to feel your pulse running through your cement veins
count how many times youve forgotten to whisper
i love you
count the syllables there are in
you are worth it
and
it is okay
and 
i am sorry
count your breaths
count your steps
count your heart beats
it'll keep going

The End

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