okay, as okay as i can be, maybe not in the next hour but right now at this single moment, i am okay.

reposting this after deleting it because of some unpleasantness :) have a good day!

i'm -

okay.

my poetry is all the worst parts of me
the loudest and most aggressive crawling inside my skull
hungry for a way out

and they come through poetry
ride rickety verses until it's time to jump ship

so,
i'm okay.

i know this site only gets my worst moments
my moments drenched in blood and sweat and tears
the culmination of my mental illnesses and bad days with a capital b
gender dysphoria like a rotting cherry on the sundae

and i mean,
my definition of "okay" is "not currently trying to walk off the side of a building"
so it might be a little skewed and a little definitely not-okay

but
compared to my usual self,
destructive and sad and blank
i'm doing okay.

i'm two+ months clean of self-harm,
a shaky path to recovery
and my body aches to bleed but i don't let it

i wonder if this is what halting addictions feels like

and i've still got a hopelessly low self-worth
and a needy tendency to boot

but i'm not dying anytime soon.
i refuse to.

i'll see you tomorrow.

The End

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