Some Dark Part of Me

Dispirit churns my soul,
Weighing down,
Thick and heavy.
I don’t know if what I’m doing is right,
I don’t know if what I’m doing is wrong;
I don’t know what I want of myself,
Or what I expect myself to gain.
I just want to be someone.
That much is crystal clear.
I want to be important,
But can that really be?
I’m just a wisp of wind,
So thin and so uncertain.
I’m too meager to shake the earth,
Too weak to grow the lengths I want.
I’m too human to be powerful,
And too mortal to be lasting.
I’m realizing day by day, dear Lord,
Dear King and Mighty God,
That some dark part of me longs to be You,
To be the One who’s reigning,
So high and oh so vital.
But that’s an evil jealousy I harbor
Deep within my soul.
It’s good that I’m so small, then, huh?
Because then I can’t attain it.
My frailty makes me depend on You,
A beautiful and subtle thing,
That somehow takes all of my being,
Just to surrender to and do.

The End

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