Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

When you first started doing it,

I didn't understand.

You were happy,

for the first time in a long time,

your raging temper subsided 

into a hue of mellow emotions,

and I was happy for you.

 

But then, you began to forget

simple things like

you were supposed to pick me up

from school.

I waited half an hour for you in the rain,

and then walked the 10 kilometres home.

My clothes sopping wet,

my skin numbed blue,

still it could not compare to the chilling ache

my soul felt for you.

 

The first time I got picked on,

I had to restrain you from tearing apart the bully.

Yet when I came home with bruises on my cheeks,

you gave me that half-eyed smile,

and I knew you didn't care.

You'd forgotten how.

 

And so we drifted through the years,

my family and I clung to each other

to cope with the loss of our brother.

 

Being without you

was like walking through the forests back home,

where the vastness of the trees create a dome

where no sun shines through.

I wandered the trails of depression and heart-ache alone for so long.

But then, through the leaves,

little patches of light sprinkle the earth,

and if I keep my eyes on them

it helped me realize that no matter how dark things were

you were still out there,

somewhere.

 

You told me you loved me.

You told me that in some tiny part of your heart,

you always thought we'd find our way back to each other.

I never wanted to believe it was too late.

 

It's been nine years now

since I've seen you sober,

and the hardest part

isn't when you're high.

It's not being able to tell the difference anymore,

it's knowing that

you are still alive,

but you're never coming back.

 

And we still love you, my family and I,

we bruise together in our hopes,

our arms outstretched for the moment you stumble

so that we can catch you,

but we've become weary.

We are crumbling like ancient statues.

Because waiting for you

is like waiting for a plane to come

in a place with no where to land.

 

Oh my brother, I wish you knew

how much I miss you.

I stopped wandering the woods

looking for you.

The End

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