nothing is the same when the seasons change

i swear that ill be fine
ill be fine
in the daylight
- ghosts, pvris

all our nightmares don't seem real in the morning 
realized by the rising sun 
what are we if not creatures of habit and recitation
craving light underneath the moonlit sky

laughter hidden in the crooks of our arms 
hands up to hide our smiles
happiness is just as covertly covered as the blind terror
of those whose fear creeps in under the guise of darkness

i am two-faced
the scrambling mess of late nights and early mornings
and the apathetic, trembling human-shaped mass 
that can pass for solid and whole

and to some people i am only one 
and to most i am largely one

because these days it is harder to keep my demons inside myself
harder to remind myself the suicide jokes are just jokes
that when my friend uses self-harm as humour 
i cannot snap at her

that would give me away
wouldn't it

but i will never wield injury as funny
because that is not how i was raised
not how i raised myself

and yes
the world turns thicker in the daylit sun 
syrupy and viscous 
like running oil past the crooks of your palms

sunset colors like a toddler was finger-painting

don't tell me the sky isn't a painting by the celestial beings of space
stars and empty air and burning planets
this is the creation of science and this is how the world falls

and this is the way i fall 
swallowed by the sun 
modern-day icarus 

my wax wings are melting 
and the ocean waits below

glimmering in silence 
it is ready to consume my body 

and finally i will not be alone.

The End

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