no more

I want to take a magic marker

and blot out the sun

so no one can see

all these things I have done

the shadows I have drawn

across this happiness, this joy

I'm supposed to be overflowing with

and yet, I employ depression and exhaustion

lonely tears and aching fears

savagely devour me.

People keep saying

it's going to get better

but what it takes to move me away

I refuse 

for the same boat I cling to in order to float

is sinking and I can't swim alone

to get through this storm sea

means I'll lose the mermaid in me

I don't want to get past

I want to be passed

beneath the waves and the salty spray.

I want to step out in the rain and melt.

Finding solace in the idea that someday

I'll disappear and no one will know where I have gone.

If fate had came up to me

and asked me to choose between

living my life with all the pain

or never having to live again

I would choose the later.

They say the moment is precious but the moment is gone

I've been missing it all along

I long

to take a rope

and wrap it around my throat

climb a tree as high as I can

tie an end around a branch

and then pretend I can fly

I'm not scared to try

death does not frighten me

it's the idea that

I would destroy more than just my body

I find solace in the idea that someday

I'll disappear and no one will know where I have gone

and when they send people searching for me

I will be at the bottom of the sea.

Bury me.

I never wanted to live

it just got thrust upon me.

The End

2 comments about this poem Feed