I want to take a magic marker
and blot out the sun
so no one can see
all these things I have done
the shadows I have drawn
across this happiness, this joy
I'm supposed to be overflowing with
and yet, I employ depression and exhaustion
lonely tears and aching fears
savagely devour me.
People keep saying
it's going to get better
but what it takes to move me away
for the same boat I cling to in order to float
is sinking and I can't swim alone
to get through this storm sea
means I'll lose the mermaid in me
I don't want to get past
I want to be passed
beneath the waves and the salty spray.
I want to step out in the rain and melt.
Finding solace in the idea that someday
I'll disappear and no one will know where I have gone.
If fate had came up to me
and asked me to choose between
living my life with all the pain
or never having to live again
I would choose the later.
They say the moment is precious but the moment is gone
I've been missing it all along
to take a rope
and wrap it around my throat
climb a tree as high as I can
tie an end around a branch
and then pretend I can fly
I'm not scared to try
death does not frighten me
it's the idea that
I would destroy more than just my body
I find solace in the idea that someday
I'll disappear and no one will know where I have gone
and when they send people searching for me
I will be at the bottom of the sea.
I never wanted to live
it just got thrust upon me.