New Guy

Dear New Guy,

I won't say your name, because I'm not bitter enough to put you out there.

I'm not bitter at all as a matter of fact.

I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into, because  you seem like a cool kid.

She has eyes like oceans that are only swam in by people with heavy bones accustomed to sinking.

She has lips that are as smooth as velvet, but can paralyze like rattlesnake venom.

Her hair will be in your mouth after every hug.

Her body is a vacation away from all of your worries at home, but it stormed all week.

These are only the good things.

She snores.

She's expensive.

She won't let you talk about yourself.

She hates being in the passenger seat.

She only likes to eat at Olive Garden.

She's not much for cuddling.

She talks about how other girls are prettier though she knows it isn't true.

She complains about her belly fat.

She can be snotty when she's defensive.

She gets defensive a lot.

She can't cook.

She can never hang out.

Her parents are hard to please.

She will ALWAYS win a fight.

I'm not trying to push you away, but I just want you to know that there's a lot more to her than meets the eye.

I want you to know what you're getting into.

Because, though I'm sure she'll hurt you first, I don't want you to ever break her heart.

The End

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