Never Know

a poem about wanting to call an ex boyfriend just to talk to him, and to ask him a question, but refusing to give him the satisfaction of the fact that he is still in my thoughts after two years.

oh how desperately I want to know
if he was trying to use me like some tool
if he ever loved me at all
what if he never did love me?

I will look like such a fool
Still, I would rather just know
I would rather my heart break all over again
then I can finally stop wondering for good
and I can just forget everything
or at least attempt to do so

If the answer to my question is yes though
I am not sure how I would handle it
how long would it take to get over?
only so much pain I can handle in my life

how could I take finding out it was a lie?
I loved him with all of my heart
I enjoyed being with him so much
every moment was precious to me, sacred
I wonder if he felt the same way

he treated our time together like it was sacred
but he could have just done all of those things to woo me
to try and make me give in to him
I do not think I will ever know

I do not have the courage to call him
I do not have the courage to hear his voice
if I did, I would break down and cry
My heart would break all over again

it is too late to find out now
it has been far too long since we have talked
and I will not give him the satisfaction
the satisfaction that I still think about him
after all of this time has passed

he will not have that power over me
he will not know that he has that power over me
not as long as I inhabit this earth
he can never know how I feel
I refuse to let him see me weak

it is over between us
I must accept these things
the fact that we will never speak again
as much as I would love to speak to him
he will never know about it

The End

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