My Words

No matter what I do,

No matter what I say,

I will be myself,

In every single way.

Even if I perform,

And act against my grain,

I'll still be true to myself,

So talk to me the same.

I know it may be foolish,

I know it may sound daft,

But I am only human,

And it's the way I craft.

I know it may be simple,

To act and talk and feel,

Naturally, as myself,

To behave in a way that’s real.

I know I am not perfect,

I know I’m insecure,

So if you can not stand it,

I’ll gladly show you the door.

I’ve spent far too much time,

Consulting those unfair,

Who judge me by fairytales,

To which I can’t compare.

I know I am not perfect,

Though I don’t revel in this fact,

Treat me with true dignity

And I shall not retract -

I’ll approach with steady caution;

Be kind, I‘ll shed my mask,

I know it won’t be easy,

But I’ll take the challenge of the task.

Good things don’t come easily,

I know that its clichéd,

But the expression was fresh and exciting,

The day that it first displayed.

Life is one big cliché,

We make it that way ourselves,

To live is to love and all that jazz,

But I want to hear something that delves,

Deeper into my head, my heart,

To explore within my soul,

The very living essence,

Of what it is to take control,

Of the things that rest inside us,

That make us who we are,

Why might I chose the pen

And others, the guitar?

What makes our self expression,

So very different any way?

Why does one heart chose this,

And the other a different way?

I suppose what I’m trying to do,

Trying to ascertain, if I may,

Is what exactly is my head,

Trying to get my heart to say?

One goes this way, one goes that,

Will they ever meet?

Will I ever find the one,

To sweep me off my feet?

I’m just a soppy romantic,

Emotionally bereft,

I’ve given my heart too freely,

I’ve had to accept its theft,

On more than one occasion,

Though this I did not mind,

It was the treatment it suffered,

I could say it was most unkind,

But to do so would be unfair,

It’s human nature after all,

For one to go one way,

And the other to leave them to fall.

Yes, I was unrequited,

And bitter I may have been,

I decided to do as writers do,

I re-wrote the scene.

I painted such a picture,

To leave my insecurities by the side,

I drew an artful girl,

A smile so big and wide,

Who could not accept her?

Who could break her heart once more?

It was a foolish notion to make,

I fell, just like before.

I dusted myself off,

Tried to act - I didn’t care,

I shouldn’t have re-made myself -

Dear readers please beware,

That little voice inside your head,

Telling you to play it cool,

Life’s too short to listen;

To let your pride over-rule.

I have made mistakes,

Though small they may seem,

To me they are everything,

To what I, once, have been.

Some say that I am wise,

I say it is not so.

Some say that I’m pretty,

I tell them where to go.

‘Cause they have not seen me,

Not at my very worst,

They’ve not seen the hatred,

Or me putting myself first.

I know I am not perfect,

Though I try to be,

I know that it is hopeless,

But that’s half the challenge to me.

I know that I often ramble,

I know how easily I cry,

I know how stubborn I may be,

How my confidence is shy.

I know that I’m too emotional,

I know that I over react,

I know of these flaws and more,

It’s a very simple fact.

To dream of perfection,

Is my most foolish flaw indeed,

Though to listen to my head,

Is truly what I need.

I’ve listened to my heart,

I’ve heard it’s quiet whine,

I’ve given way to it,

Despite smarter thoughts of mine.

I’ve fallen for those who did not care,

It is not their fault, I know,

That I am bitter and conceited -

Their rejection forced me to grow.

I know I should be kind,

I know I should be true,

But human nature is to rebel,

Against popular virtue.

I was accepted as an anti-rebel,

If only everyone knew,

How inadequate yet inflated,

That made my ego as it grew.

Yes men have egos,

But girls have them too,

They can be just as wounded,

And it hurts just as much too.

Forgive my lack of originality,

How my words start to wane,

How they begin to quiver,

With long indulged overtures of pain.

I know it is depressing,

To dwell upon past betrayal,

But it is quite cathartic,

Even as my sentiments start to pale.

To start with such hope,

For it to gradually die from within,

Is enough to make my words,

Seem forever thin.

Thin and starved of confidence,

No matter how round I may be,

But to see the world’s imperfections,

Is to clearly see.

I know it may sound just as conceited,

As I have assured you that I am,

But for me to step away from this path,

Is as easy as the wolf retreating from the lamb.

I have grown this way,

I suppose it’s a habit that I have made,

To change would be too difficult,

I am lazy, so the habit stayed.

To admit that I need someone,

Is what I have tried to resist,

Though to be honest it hasn’t worked,

My heart was forever in the list;

Being charged by thugs on horses,

Too blind to see their effect,

I have been battered, I have been bruised,

My life it did affect,

Until I declared I’d had enough,

No more I could endure,

I scowled at the world and it scowled back,

Marking it’s sentiments clear and pure.

I blocked out the world as best I could do,

I closed off, it was easier that way,

It was a naff plan, that much is clear,

But it worked quite well, I must say.

Don’t misunderstand me,

I am no fan of isolation,

But it helped me to survive emotionally,

And protected my reputation.

How others may perceive you,

Is not always exactly true,

But I strived to protect the pictures,

That those around me drew.

I know you must grow bored,

Of this never ending thread,

But coming to a close,

I have quickly come to dread.

To end I don’t wish to think of,

It seems so final, so absolute,

To end on a happier note,

I am truly resolute.

I have told you of the difficulties,

The pains I have endured,

But it wasn’t all for nothing,

You can rest assured.

I have been told in times long past,

That trials build characters,

If this is true then I rejoice,

In having many interesting factors,

Of my personal countenance,

And of my history,

So that those who may listen,

Will come to accept me.

You see, no matter what we do,

No matter what we say,

We will be ourselves,

In every single way.

Even if we perform,

And act against our grain,

We'll still be true to ourselves,

So endeavour to talk the same.

To wish for life to be simple,

Is a wish most vain,

Besides if life were so easy,

We would not grow from pain,

We would wander randomly,

Seeking interest and finding none,

Don’t worry, please keep reading,

The poem’s almost done.

To find life so undressed,

So naked of its mystery,

Would be so utterly boring,

And we would cease to be,

So very individual,

So very unique in every way,

To all be so similar,

Would be like night never giving way.

So no matter the hypocrisy,

No matter how painful it may be,

I shall listen to my heart,

Though I’ll let my head protect me.

Yes it may be torture,

But frankly, life’s too short,

To cut yourself from the world,

Like removing some unsightly wart.

I’ll continue to be myself,

No matter how flawed I may be,

For someone will one day,

Accept me for what they see,

Though don’t construe this shallowly,

It was not meant so conversely,

I simply wish for someone

To see me for me.

You see I have not abandoned faith,

Not completely anyway,

Perhaps one day I shall write,

A new poem on a happy day.

Perhaps the sun will shine,

Perhaps the birds will sing,

But to be honest it doesn’t matter,

The same way my words shall ring;

Poorly in the air,

Upon the wings of an average bird,

Like the one that wrote,

Every single naffing word,

Of the last two pages you’ve,

So patiently endured,

Perhaps I shall reward you,

With the silence of said bird.

So for now I shall rest my words,

Soldiers of my sentiments as they are,

And I’ll wait for my knight, or knave,

He can’t have gotten far.

So I’ll keep on smiling,

Though it’s not a mask this time,

Who knows, perhaps that’s all it takes,

To achieve this dream of mine.

‘Cause that’s essentially what I am,

A dreamer and I don’t care,

Enemies of my imagination,

Take care and please beware,

Because I’ll keep on walking,

For forever and a day,

To find the one that turns to me,

To smile at me and say,

“I will never hurt you,

I will never go away,”

The one that makes me believe,

He’s on my path,

And that he’s there to stay.

The End

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