sometimes, whether it is in spite
or inspired by
the silly rules I set,
I still manage to fall,
and so reap the damage.
When we were lying sideways
on your bed,
the glow of the naked moon
reflected on my naked skin,
you told me in that moment
I was too beautiful for you
to make fun of me, like you always do.
I think that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
And yet, I held my breath and turned my head away,
choosing not to get involved with you,
because I knew soon we'd be going
our separate ways.
I already miss you.
I catch myself searching for an invisible face
in the masses of people that pass me
before I realize it's you
I'm looking for.
I thought, maybe, I was beyond
somebody to keep you company,
that you wanted me
for my voice, my poetry.
You were the first person in a long time
to listen to me ramble on
about fairy-tales and hopelessness
without silencing my lips.
Now I see you did,
you simply disguised it with a kiss.
But you made me feel safe,
like I could put down my bottle of prescriptions
and just dream in your arms.
You were the kind of guy
I wanted to write love poems to,
and leave them beneath your door
with lipstick marks and the scent of my perfume.
Now, my soul aches too much to place a pen on a page.
I tell you I'm too just tired,
but the truth is I need to preserve what little remains
of my wasted heart.
You'll never know how much I actually liked you,
despite the fact that you're an *sshole sometimes,
despite your overweight body
and bloodshot eyes,
I wanted to be that pretty girl on your arm,
so when people would see us together
they'd look at you in shocked surprise,
unable to comprehend how someone like you
caught someone like me.
Little does anyone know,
you had me wrapped around your finger
like the red and white stripes on a barber's pole,
like a candy cane at Christmas,
and you smashed me into powder,
you snapped my dreams in two.
I guess it's for the best;
I'm a complicated mess
and you like things clean and easy.
I just wanted you to know
you'll never know
how much you broke
my stupid little heart.