my stupid little heartMature

sometimes, whether it is in spite 

or inspired by 

the silly rules I set,

I still manage to fall,

and so reap the damage.

When we were lying sideways

on your bed,

the glow of the naked moon

reflected on my naked skin,

you told me in that moment

I was too beautiful for you 

to make fun of me, like you always do.

I think that's the nicest thing

you've ever said to me.

And yet, I held my breath and turned my head away,

choosing not to get involved with you,

because I knew soon we'd be going 

our separate ways.

I already miss you.

I catch myself searching for an invisible face

in the masses of people that pass me

before I realize it's you

I'm looking for.

I thought, maybe, I was beyond

somebody to keep you company,

that you wanted me 

for my voice, my poetry.

You were the first person in a long time

to listen to me ramble on

about fairy-tales and hopelessness

without silencing my lips.

Now I see you did,

you simply disguised it with a kiss.

But you made me feel safe,

like I could put down my bottle of prescriptions 

and just dream in your arms.

You were the kind of guy

I wanted to write love poems to,

and leave them beneath your door

with lipstick marks and the scent of my perfume.

Now, my soul aches too much to place a pen on a page.

I tell you I'm too just tired,

but the truth is I need to preserve what little remains

of my wasted heart.

You'll never know how much I actually liked you,

despite the fact that you're an *sshole sometimes,

despite your overweight body

and bloodshot eyes,

I wanted to be that pretty girl on your arm,

so when people would see us together

they'd look at you in shocked surprise,

unable to comprehend how someone like you

caught someone like me.

Little does anyone know,

you had me wrapped around your finger

like the red and white stripes on a barber's pole,

like a candy cane at Christmas,

and you smashed me into powder,

you snapped my dreams in two.

I guess it's for the best;

I'm a complicated mess

and you like things clean and easy.

I just wanted you to know

you'll never know

how much you broke

my stupid little heart.

The End

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