Dear Mother, you were right to tell
me my debauchery would guide
my steps along the path to Hell
Well, now I'm here, I cannot hide.
I showed up here on Tuesday night.
I'll say, it caught me by surprise;
My girlfriend almost died of fright
when I croaked, eating burger'n'fries.
Mein host, Old Nick, a cheerful type,
came to the door to welcome me
and said, 'Please don't believe the hype;
It's jolly spiffing here, you'll see.'
And he was right! Each day begins
with chocolate cake washed down with beer
while watching '50 Greatest Sins'
(A DVD that's massive here).
At lunchtime, we smoke spliffs and sing
Black Sabbath songs while watching porn.
And then it's time for orgying,
which carries on till break of dawn.
We all choose not to sleep at night...
The beds are not too comfortable.
We're strapped to racks, by chains so tight,
our bedding made from wire wool.
Well, Mother, dear. Tis time to end
and so I bid a fond farewell.
Should you wish to reply, please send,
addressed to me, Rack Seven, Hell.