my love, an abyssal void of sleek-lipped artificial glow

i press my hands past your ribs
wrap them around the coldness of your heart

press kisses to the ice of your emotions 
melt it away until you are soft and faintly warm 
like a memory of being alive

and you know i don't care about your sickness
you know i haven't had any self-preservation instincts since i was seven or younger
that i am willing to poison myself for your health 

and this is toxic 
like your fingers in my hair are toxic 
but you wrap your arms around me and wrap yourself around me 
try to absorb my body into yours

and i think that we'll be okay 

you passing an earbud over to me 
we listen to music and the typing of our individual keyboard drowns out the tension 
your smile bright in the way that dying stars are

but i figure i'm already halfway there no harm in letting you suck away my life force
in hands on the back of my neck and the slide of your arms underneath my sweater
leeching warmth from me to thaw your frozen veins 

nothing wrong with letting a creature of ice and water steal from someone of air 
we're both sick anyways
better to die unhealthy than to die alone 

you set your nails into my lips 
crush my words into dust 
use my silence to pull it over and into yourself 
drown yourself in my quiet

and i just emit something like a purr 
bone-deep rumbling from the engine of my heart
when you run your hands over the plane of my back 
rub at my shoulderblades and don't cut yourself on them 
one of the first to trying to make yourself the last 

to not come away from me bleeding 
because my toxicity could level a city 
i don't talk to people with a loose tongue and honest throat for a reason 
but you're a sodium outline in stage lights 

no reason to hide from you

who wants to die a martyr

do you strip me of glory 
doomed to die a nameless death 
there are fields in the forest for people like me 
i'll dig my own grave and lie in it 

you don't laugh but you smile 
close enough 
slide your palms in all their slight roughness around to behind my ears
the roots of my hair 
and i practically melt in your lap

as you feed off of anything i say 
we are co-dependant monsters seeping poison into the earth 
and neither of us care

i can't say loving you doesn't hurt 
but you knew from the beginning that we were both built from pain 

and the day i die i won't blame you for it 
you only took what you needed 

and if i am nothing 
then there is nothing to take. 

The End

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