My Facade

Shut up

turn around

leave me alone

i need time, space

i need to relax, to chill

before this storm becomes even more

before this flood tips over and pours out


Just because, for once you’re not the distraction, you’re distracted

doesn’t mean you can yell at me

doesn’t mean you can blame your lack of focus on my facade

this smile and laugh i keep up so i’m not crying

so im not screaming and letting you know what i really think

what i actually see and realize and my true feelings about you


Simply because you need the quiet doesn’t mean you can force me into it

i need to talk

to laugh, fake as it is

it helps me

and while you’re doing work and complaining of the noise

i’m fighting a battle that you don’t even know about

that you don’t realize is here

and you have no idea just how violent it can get


You don’t know the scares i hide

inside and out

the straight discolored lines

the bruises that are so deep no one can see

the internal gashes word create


You don’t see the ticking time bomb i’ve become

you don’t understand the fear

of being alone, of falling apart

of that last vital string snapping and leaving this place


i know people need me

but wouldn’t they be better off without me

would their lives be so much better

one less annoyance

one less job, person to try and feel for

person to hold up because they are always down

Don’t tell me to shut up over your work you have plenty of time to do

because i’m not sure i have much time

not with these thoughts and feelings

at least if i don’t take the time to calm down, to think

not if i listen to people like you and let you force me into silence

into quite

where all i have are these thoughts, feelings of hatred and horror of myself


so don’t blame me, dont tell me to be quiet

you don’t understand

no one ever does

and eventually


… it’ll kill me.


The End

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