Truth

Some cutters will hide, 
their wrists with long sleeves
or with bracelets, 
or their legs with long pants
because they don't want others
to see what they do to themselves.

but i'm not like them, I'll show you 
the cuts and scars that are on my arms
and my back.

I'm daring you to ask why,
I have  pale white scars
and cuts that have a bright red drop 
of blood peeping out.

I'm daring you to ask
which person I'm around caused a 
smart, strong woman like me to 
harm myself.

I'm daring you to ask
if i've been to a councilor to 
talk about my problems
and all the while get paid for it
and could be pretending to really care.

I'm daring you to ask
if I've ever cried myself to sleep
and woken up to a wet spot
that covers up half of my pillow.

I'm daring you to ask
if I've ever thought about
ending my life when i cant
stand anymore pain.

When you ask me
how do you stay standing up
when you should be on the ground?

well as you can see, I'm on 
my way down to the ground.

I stay standing up by my beloved books
who a few of you have made fun of
because you think they stay up on my shelves.

I stay standing up by my music 
who's words move me to tears
when I can't make myself shed
the hundred tears I've kept locked up.

I stay standing up by drawing on myself
by black ink or by using my bottle of 
fake blood to imagine that i had just
cut my arms.

I stay standing up by writing down 
my hopes, dreams, kisses, joys,
anger, hate and words that spring 
up and into my mind.

I stay standing up by just reminding myself
that tomorrow's a new day and it might 
just get better.

There are times when I bury myself
in the time of dreams, words and songs

I leave so that you don't see the pain 
that's dancing across my eyes, or 
the anger that would cause you to smoke
and the hopelessness of me giving up.

Leave me alone when I go 
and momentarily die 
because I'll come back up
ready to face the world
even if it's just for a bit longer

So,

I have scars that I'm proud of,
I dare you to ask me things
that might make you uncomfortable,
I stay standing up when I should be down
I die for a bit but I'll come right back.

But please don't push me anymore
because I'm getting close to the edge
and every foot is another foot of me
jumping into the abyss to join 
the other teens that couldn't stand up
in your world of:

Lies.

Hate. 

and

Pain.

The End

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