coughing at myself,
i stutter out the fatal "she"
before i can correct myself.
this world has taught me i am female
and so trying to slip into my fitting genderqueer role
is difficult for me, including remembering
that i no longer have to lie to myself.
it is hard to deal with being something
that most of society doesn't even acknowledge.
that your sister whispers about at dinner
like genderqueer people are aliens or something
and i just sit there, fidgeting,
trying to pretend that i've already eaten my share
so that i can flee to the safety
of my own four walls, blue like the sky
and i go and sit on the floor,
staring blankly at the door,
attempting to convince myself
that i don't feel like crying.