Missing itMature

I say too much
how I miss the sting
and I miss the burn
how moving my shirts
made it feel so much worse
but truth be told
maybe I'm grateful
that all I did was bleed
kept making promises
only to break them
sorry was never enough
they had to keep an eye
but what was the point?
I wasn't gonna stop
kind of made breathing easier,
didn't it?
maybe for me
I remember how hard
that she would punch me
they yelled at me so much
I tried to stop
but I didn't want to
if you don't want to
you aren't going to
but at least I tried
that wasn't enough
I miss looking them over
watching them fade away
always red and raw
how the blood would swirl
and wash away
I remember, though
thinking it wouldn't work
and then it did
I thought I'd done it
that I wasn't a coward
but yes I was
it's always cowardly
isn't it?
I dunno
it's sad, yeah
so am I
so are they
so are we
so are you
I remember
how it spilled down my arm
maybe I miss that too
I shouldn't
I wish I didn't
sometimes I wondered
if anything would even change
and I played it out in my head
how much they'd hate me
I can't remember if I cared
at that time
I just smiled
and let the tears fall
maybe things would be okay
I really only wanted, I dunno,
I wanted them to be happy
And if that did mean
that they would hate me
I think I was okay with that.
I remember laying in the room
they surveyed me a lot
She was always mad at me
but she was crying
and I cried too
I didn't care anymore
I knew it was time for that to end
so it did
If there was anywhere to start over
It was there
Maybe not the best,
but at least I was trying.
I still miss it.

The End

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