I slowly rose up. I faced myself. I looked like crap. My eyes were puffy and red. My hair was wild and tangled like a birds nest. But all my features were where they should be . It was weird, everyime I looked in the mirror I expected to see a cubist painting looking back at me. But I never looked mangled or misshaped.
There was a gentle knock on the bathroom door. I suppose that was my cue to exit. I splashed my face. No amount of water seemed to wash away this sorrow. My mom said give it time. I had no better solution so I waited and I'm still waiting. Waiting to be something other than a victim.
I blew my nose. Looked one last time at my reflection. I still looked like crap but my eyes looked less glassy. I opened the door, peaked around the corner. My body instantly relaxed. No facade to hold up. Just peace and nice silence. I was tired of the deadly kind.
I started combing out the nest. Normal people cared about their appearance. I went through the motions combed out my long hair. Threw it in a messy ponytail. I use to straighten it everyday. Then I threw on a pair of jeans and a granda cardigan. I tossed on some necklaces. I still liked jewelery. I liked the colors especially turquise. Turquise always remained me of ocean water. I liked the feel of the beaded necklaces. They were light in my palm, cold and smooth. I felt soothed.
I looked at the time. I had time. Time to eat. I should eat. People ate. People enjoyed food. People liked to eat with friends and family. They talked and bonded over meals. So I went to the kitchen. Opened the fridge grabbed a yougurt. I didn't taste it. But I liked the coldness. It just flowed down my throat. I open the fridge and ate another one. It felt just as nice.
I looked at the clock again. I could leave know. It was still early. I could grab a coffee. I use to live on the stuff. I still loved the decedent smell. Breathe it in. I use to taste it before the coffee ever hit my tongue, just by smelling it. I'll drink coffee and then visit my therapist. We're talking about relationships today.
It feels weird even saying the word relationship. Relationship.