A short poem about lust, impulse and desire - and also of the struggle to control oneself in all things.
I cannot help myself, I’m attracted to you
I really should control myself, but I just don’t know what to do
It really should not be this hard to just say no
But I want you so bad and don’t know where else to go
But I’m frightened that I’ll use you
And then mess things up and lose you
I’m terrified that if we go any farther we will spoil what we have already
We are good, close friends – slow and steady
Is it really worth taking the risk – to take you to bed?
Or would I be breaking – every promise I ever said?
I know sex is just sex but I cannot deny that there is something special
About a friendship that has never ventured into the carnal
And once that step is taken there is no turning back
And our precious, porcelain friendship may ultimately crack
But then I know too that I am weak and sometimes I just want to fuck
I cannot decide now – I am completely stuck
I want to neither use you
Or to take advantage and abuse you
But then I know deep down how really I long to use you
And abuse you too…
Because I am weak and so full of sinful urges
I fight them for a time but they hit me in surges
How did I get into such a state?
So desperate to be chaste, and also to fornicate
I hate myself for being this way
Always fighting to remain in control
But so easy to sway…