lovers on a hotel bed

it is only after I think about it,

I realize that 

it's been a year

since I've told someone

I loved them,

and meant it.


When he slumbers and drapes an arm,

heavy, casually across my body,

I curl into a ball,

trying to wring my body of this ache

the same way one wrings a sopping cloth

of water.


And when he's moving on top of me,

pinning my arms above my body,

I squeak "Please,"

and he refrains, thinking it's because I am afraid,

because I was raped,

but the truth is it just reminds me too much

of those young lovers on a hotel bed,

who once were us.


As my breath hooks on a sob,

he holds me close,

and whispers into my ear

"It's okay, you're safe here."

and I miss you the most.


When we lay in bed, that last night,

when I had surrendered my final fight

in trying to hold on to something I could

no longer grasp,

you clasped

my hands

in yours,

and told me

no matter what,

you'd be

mine.


It is only when I think about it,

that I realize

if I had the chance to go back,

and live that lie again,

knowing all the pain it would cause,

I would, without a second thought.

I would

you

forever.

The End

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