We are on the phone,
but have to part,
and so start to say goodbye.
Ten minutes later
we are still repeating the same thing,
and I smile as you
relay back to me an argument
that I already know
to be false.
You say you love me more,
but you cannot possibly feel what I feel.
A whole torrent of emotions
crammed together in a small red box,
bursting at the seams
whenever I think of the one
that put them there.
I know I am right,
yet you will never once believe me.
I was coming back from my holiday, and I was happy. We would be leaving the next day, and I would be able to see him again. I had still kept in contact with him, despite the distance, over the phone and on my laptop. I missed him, and he missed me. Part of me felt empty with him not around, like I was a jigsaw and he was that last remaining piece that completed the puzzle.
Our phone calls were long, up to two hours each night, and it would take us around ten or fifteen minutes to say goodbye. We never wanted to hang up. If I hung up, I knew I would have to wait until the next day to speak to him again. I could speak to him whenever I liked over the internet, but it was not the same as I could not hear his voice, his voice that I missed so much. His sweet, longing tones that he only used when speaking to me. And his gentle laugh when he was happy. I needed it all back, but I could not until my holiday was finished. I had never quite wanted a holiday to go as quickly as I did this one.
I ended my last phone call with him with a slight tinge of happiness, invading my usually melancholy farewell. I knew that the next day I would be with him again. Lying with him, in his arms, away from all my other troubles again. I would be able to look into his eyes, and listen to his voice, unaffected by the phone call. I would be able to experience all the aspects of his that I had missed so much.
“I love you. And I can’t wait until tomorrow. We can see each other again!”
“I know! I can’t wait either. Why did you have to go on holiday?”
“It wasn’t my fault, my parents made me...I tried to stay at home, but they wouldn’t let me...”
“Well, at least I get to see you tomorrow. I’ve really missed you this past week.”
“I’ve missed you more. Seriously I have.”
“No you haven’t. I’ve been counting down the days until tomorrow, when you return. It’s like, nothing is the same when you’re not around.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I wish you were here with me right now.”
“So do I. Please come round now?”
“I can’t, silly.” I laughed, though I wished that I could. “Look, I’ve got to go now. Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow though?”
“Yes, you will. Shall I meet you in town?”
“Yeah, do that. I should get there at about midday.”
“That only gives us five hours together!”
“I know, but it’s better than nothing. Right?”
“Okay...” I knew he wanted more. I did as well, but it wasn’t possible, and so I had to go with the next best option. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I love you more.”
I smiled at his competitive remark. “I love you most.” I hung up the phone before he could retaliate, satisfied that I had won. But now I would have to wait until the next day to make contact with him, and that thought left no satisfaction, but instead an intense feeling of longing.
As soon as I had returned we were back into our normal routine, where we would see each other as much as possible. We spent our last days of the holidays together, with no one else. It could have been seen as unsociable, and I’m sure that my friends felt that way, but it didn’t matter to me because I had him. I had not seen him for over a week, and that was a long time for us to be apart. I almost couldn’t bear it. But I soldiered on through it, safe in the knowledge that I would be able to see him again.
We spent the New Year celebrations together, first at a party and then back to my house. He stayed over again, and as we fell asleep in each other’s arms I made a mental list of my New Year’s resolutions in my head.
1. Do everything in my best efforts to stay with him.
2. Carry on reaching my goals, especially where he is concerned.
3. Keep it all happy.
I had rules to go by in the New Year now, the year of 2011. My final year at college was finishing. I would make sure that I never broke these rules, or even bent them in some way. They were there to stay, and I would follow them only.
The months went by, as did the celebrations. Our seven month, eight month, and nine month anniversaries went by surprisingly quickly. We had had some prolonged moments of time where we could not see each other, due to final exams and revision, and other college related things, but it did not stop us from keeping strong. I was still going by my new rules, the ones that I had promised never to break.
Many people were surprised that we were still together. And how close we had actually become. When we had started out, people had had thought that it would just be another relationship, just another line to add to the tally chart. They did not expect us to last four months, let alone nine. I had even surprised myself at how I had managed to stay in the relationship. I was usually one to mess things up, destroy things, but this time I had not. Of course I had faulted at parts, but they had been amended.
When we got to our ten and eleven month anniversaries, the heat was beginning to be felt again. April and May were warmer than they had been last year. The exams were over, and we had ourselves to each other, again being able to lose contact with the world around us. I loved being able to be with him, not needing to worry about anything else. I loved the fact that we could now go outside, spending time beneath the sun, not having to be locked inside because of the cold. The heat made our days even more radiant.
“You know, we’ve been together for nearly a year already. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“Yeah it is.” He rested his head on my shoulder. “To think, just over a year ago from now we met each other for the first time. We made our first conversation, and realised what was meant to be from it. It only seems like yesterday to me.”
“Me as well. I’m so happy that everything turned out alright. I’m so happy that I met you, really. You’ve made everything amazing.”
“No I haven’t, you have. Thank you so much.”
Our days together carried on in that fashion. We were still at the point in the relationship where everything about the other person was pure brilliance. I doubted we would ever truly get out of that phase. Others lost it after only a few months, but we had kept it. In my previous relationship it had lasted less than that. I loved the present day and its contents. It was still perfection, despite time carrying on.
Some found it silly that we celebrated each month, but I liked the idea. It was sweet that he wanted to. It reminded us of our time together, how long we had spent, and what was to come. And it kept our spirits strong, even if we were going through bad times. We had made it work, and I partly put it down to all of our endless celebrating and coming together all of the time, as each time we saw each other our feelings got stronger. I wondered if they would ever get to a maximum point, or just keep on going infinitely, never stopping. Gradually getting more and more out of control until eventually they had taken over our lives. Until any minor thing did not matter anymore, and any major thing would never compare with our feelings. It was like poetry, flowing endlessly, making new patterns and rhymes within it. My poetic streak had increased dramatically since I had met him, and that made our time together even more special.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Can we just never leave here?”
“I wish. We could sit here forever, never doing anything else with our lives.”
“I know it sounds crazy, but if I could, then I would.”
“I would too.”
“Though the cramp would set in after a while and then I guess we’d have to move...”
I laughed at his poor excuse of a joke. He had a spontaneous method of thinking, like me, that never failed to amuse me. “You are silly sometimes, you know.”
“Not as silly as you!”
“Hey, I’m not! At least I don’t make weird jokes about getting cramp. Talk about changing the romantic tone...”
“Ha, sorry. But you know it would happen...”
I pushed him lightly, causing him to fall into the grass. He pulled me down with me, kissing me as I lay on top of him. We were in one of those playful moods, and we lay there for a while, talking in a jokey way, until the heat gradually cooled down and a breeze was present in the otherwise still air.
“Getting kind of chilly, isn’t it? Here, take my jacket.”
“Thanks.” I took the jacket out of his hand, and put it round my shoulders. It was warm from where he had been wearing it before, and the cold instantly disappeared.
“Good.” He smiled at me, and took my hand, stroking it. His eyes were wide with elation, and he had a playful smile on his face. “I’ll just be taking this then, in return...”
He picked up my bag, containing my camera, poetry book, money and various other objects, and stood up, running in the opposite direction.
“Hey!” I stood up also, following him into the distance. I jumped, landing on him and sending him crashing to the floor, bag and everything. “Silly, you better give that back!”
“But, but...it’s mine now!” His mocking tone and overacted innocent face made me laugh. I took the bag from him and we lay down in the new patch of grass again. It was all keeping happy.