Chapter 19 - Missing.

He's there,
Holding my hand,
His fingers entwined with mine.

I lean against him,
My head resting on his shoulder
As we sit together in harmony.

His other hand runs through my hair
And he turns me around to face him,
Looking into my eyes
Like no one has before.

And as I look back into his,
I'm lost, forever.


  For the next two months we saw a lot of each other. Our colleges were close and so we saw each other nearly every day after school, and sometimes at weekends when I wasn’t busy with work. All of a sudden my life had been filled with this desire, this need to be with him all the time. I was in a complete contrast to before, and even though I saw so much of him, I was almost craving him when we weren’t together.

  The weather had got warmer, and so we spent a lot of time outside, in the park after school. We would sit together, sometimes beside each other, sometimes lying together, and sometimes embracing, and talk. We talked about everything. I could tell him anything I wanted to and I knew he wouldn’t judge me or look down on me. He felt the same way, and that made me feel slightly privileged that he would open himself up to me like that.

  In the evenings we would eat with each other, either in the park still, or at various food places. He often bought me dinner, as well as cookies and cakes. I felt bad, in a way, that he spent money on me, as I had no way to return it to him, and even if I tried, he would always tell me not to. He had told me that just being there for him was what he wanted, and that he didn’t want anything else.


  Our two monthly anniversaries that we had during these months were so alive, so different to previously. He did not forget about them; he was the one who remembered about them before me.

  For our first month, we went to the park, as always, and sat down together. It was sunny and warm, and there were many people around us, mainly other students, and primary school children being taken for a walk with their families.  

  “Happy first month!” He kissed me lightly on my lips.

  “Same to you!” I was happy, and it showed. Excitement filled me as I thought about how we had been together for a whole month already, and how amazing it had been. We still had things to talk about, and we still enjoyed each other’s company. It was like a whole new experience for me, so different to what I had been through before.

  As I thought about this, I looked at him, to see him take a folded A5 piece of card out of his bad, accompanied by a packet of Love Hearts. “For you.” He said, and placed both in my hands.

  I smiled, and turned the card over to see what was on the front. He had stuck a picture of us in the middle, and written ‘Happy 1st Month Anniversary!’ above and underneath. The blank spaces were filled with tiny red hearts. I opened it to see inside the message he had written me, telling me that he had had an amazing month with me, and that he never wanted it to end. I felt overcome by my emotions, and so had to turn away for a second to compose myself.  When I had turned back, I reached for him, and, hugging him, kissed him multiple times. He was sweet to me, and generous and kind. He made me feel wanted by him, and for that I was eternally grateful.

  We spent the rest of the day together, lying in each other’s arms, talking, and engaging. It was so romantic, but in a subtle way. I did not have any regrets from that day; everything went as I wanted it to. He felt the same way, and our mutual feelings made the day go so well that by the end I was longing for a pause in time, or an intervention – just something that would mean that the day would never have to end. I spoke to him on the phone after that night, but it made me miss him more. Not having him around me had started to get me down, most probably because we were seeing so much of each other, but also because I genuinely missed him, and didn’t feel quite the same person without him there. 


  Our second month anniversary was, quite impossibly, even better than the first. It was a Wednesday, in the middle of the holidays, and with all our exams and college over for the summer, we could just relax. The celebrations started in the middle of the day as I had to have family over in the morning, but I knew we would still see a lot of each other as he had invited me round to his house. I was excited. I had never been there before. He was letting me into his life and, although I knew a lot about it already just from his talk of it, I felt by going there I would learn a lot more. It was not like how I had ventured into my previous boyfriend’s house, as that was like going into a new world entirely – this was more like exploring a place that I had ideas of, I just hadn’t quite fitted them all in to place. This was possibly the way that I could put any loose bits of jigsaw together.


  His house was far out, way away from my house, in the middle of the countryside. To get there I had to catch two buses; one from my house to the station, and another one from the station to a road nearby where he lived. He would meet me when I got there at the bus stop and then walk me up to his house.

  The bus journeys were tiresome, as I had spent so much of my time on buses already, but I knew it would be worth it in the end. I carried with me only my night-stuff, my phone, and a box of biscuits that I had made for him before I left, as a gift. I had iced carefully onto them sweet nothings, with red, white and blue icing. Some contained hearts, some dots, and some just writing.


  When I got there, he was waiting for me. As I stepped off the bus he leaned in and kissed me, pulling me close to him. His skin was warm and his breath light.

  “Hey. I’m glad you could come. Shall we walk up?”

  “Hey, sure.” I looked about my surroundings, trying to take in as much as possible. There were lots of fields around the place, and various different animals dotted over them. There were few buildings, mainly farm ones, but in the distance I could see a row of houses on the side of a main road. I guessed that was where we were headed.

  Our walk took less than ten minutes. He held my hand the whole way, not guiding, but walking equally with me, on the same level. The path was fairly straightforward, and we stopped occasionally so he could kiss me, or I could hold him closer to me. I had missed him, and he had missed me. Between both anniversaries we had seen each other nearly every day, as college had finished, and my work was only once a week. It still did not make up for all the time we could have spent together though; in the evenings, in the mornings, and the few days that we had spent apart. I felt like we were not seeing each other enough, even though we were in a relationship that others would have described as overly intense. I still felt that I could be happy from it though as it did not upset me, I was just greedy.


  His house was fairly small, ‘quaint’ as he put it, and didn’t use the front door. He led me inside, and showed me round the various different rooms. He lived with his parents, both of whom were in the house, and had no brothers or sisters.

  His mother was a happy woman, slightly shorter than myself, with a positive attitude and a great motherly tenderness about her. I instantly liked her as she reminded me of my own mum from when I was younger. His father was taller, quieter, and I did not see much of him. He was nice however, and we got on well.  His parents pretty much left us to it once I had been introduced and shown round, and so we went into the living room.

  “Happy second.”

  “Happy second to you too.” I pulled out the box of biscuits from my bag, and handed them over to him. He smiled uneasily as he took them, wondering what could be in the box. “Just open it. You’ll like them.”

  “Okay...” He cautiously took the lid off ,and when he saw the biscuits, he grinned, displaying his teeth. “Thank you! I think we should eat them now...”

  I went to agree with him, but he spoke before I could. “Actually, we can eat them later. I have a surprise for you when it gets dark.”

  I stopped, wondering what he could possibly be talking about. A surprise in the dark? Generally, that phrase never meant anything good. I wondered about it for a while, before placing the thought at the back of my mind and carrying on with the day.


  “Okay, I can show you now.” He put his hands over my eyes, and lead me outside. It was still warm, but with a slight cool tinge in the air, and he held me close to him, sharing body heat. “Just follow where I lead you.”

  I walked on, my senses blinded. I could not see anything, and there was little to here. All I could feel were his hands over my eyes and his body walking behind mine. Eventually he stopped, and sat me down on something that felt different to the grass we had been walking on previously.

  “You can see now.” He removed his hands from my eyes, and I looked around me. We were in a field behind his house, sitting on a picnic blanket, with a small collection of food, including my biscuits, placed around us. The stars were out in the sky and the moon was hung high above us, bright and distant.

  “Wow, it’s...amazing...” I didn’t know what to say. He had brought me outside, and done something so romantic for me in the simplest of forms. We lay back together, and I leaned towards him, putting my arm over him and kissing him. “Thank you.”

  “I’m glad you liked my idea.”

  I just smiled, and we lay back to watch the stars pass through the night sky and over our heads, before we had to go back in again. There were no words I could say to display how happy I was at what he had done for me.

The End

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