Things may get replaced in life.
I look at them,
Not with pity,
But with a content smile.
He had been replaced, once,
Back when I had
Made up my mind.
I had replaced him for a reason.
You were in my life,
You wanted to be in my life.
You are my life.
You are new,
And you will never get old.
When I woke up the next day his arms were still around me, and after remembering the events of the night before, I was the happiest I had ever been. He was not awake yet, and was breathing fairly lightly, and I watched him as he slept. I noticed his eyelashes, and how perfectly angled they were, bringing out the other features in his face. His skin was soft, and I stroked the side of his face, feeling that softness against the tip of my fingers. I traced small shapes over him, hardly touching his skin, until eventually he awoke, and looked me in the eyes.
He smiled a lazy, just woken up smile, and moved his arms so they pulled me closer to him. I lay there with him, shutting my eyes again, feeling his warmth from where he had been under the duvet. No one else was up yet, and so we lay together for an extra hour, listening to each other breathing in perfect solitude.
When everyone else was up we were forced to make a move downstairs, so everyone could leave. Many moved to the main living room, and we joined them, still holding each other’s hands. We sat in the corner, listening to what everyone else was saying, but not contributing. Our focus was on each other, and each other only.
Leaving was the hardest part, and before leaving for my house I hugged him, and kissed him softly. He returned my farewell, stroking my face and holding me close. As I left I took his hand in mine and held it tight, before releasing it again, and getting into the car.
In the car journey back, my friend was inquisitive. Too inquisitive for my liking, but I felt obliged to answer her questions. We told each other everything, and so there were technically no reasons as to why I shouldn’t this time.
“So...are you together now?”
I hesitated, not knowing whether he wanted me to tell anyone or not. “Well, don’t tell anyone, but...Yeah ,we are.”
“Really? Wow, I didn’t know you liked him...”
“Yeah, well...I decided it was best not to mention it, considering the situation.”
“Ah, okay.” She paused, as if to think. “How did you find the party?”
“It was good, yeah. How about you?”
“Well, it was alright. I guess I didn’t get as lucky as you.”
I smiled to myself, remembering fully the events of last night, and those thoughts alone kept me going until the evening.
Just before I was about to go in the shower, the phone rang. When I answered, he was on the other end.
“Hey. Sorry I phoned so late.”
“Hey! And it’s okay. How are you?”
“I’m amazing thanks, how are you?”
“Same. I miss you, you know. And I know that sounds crazy, but I do.”
“I do too. When can we next see each other?”
“Erm...I don’t know. One day after school maybe?” He started to speak, but I interrupted him. “Oh wait, that reminds me! Am I allowed to tell people about us? Like, what would you prefer we did?”
“I don’t mind, whatever you want.” He replied. “Just...maybe don’t tell a certain person, not just yet. But anyone else, that’s fine.”
“Okay.” I changed the subject, knowing we would only have half an hour before the phone call had to be ended. Our conversation never ran dry, even when we had nothing important to say, because he would always come up with something spontaneous and unexpected that threw me every time. He had never said anything to me that I found dull. And because of this, I was still willing to talk to him, be with him, and I still wanted him. I had a feeling that I would feel like this for a long time.
At college, I was half wondering whether to tell anyone or not. I had hardly spoken to my now ‘ex’; instead he had made excuses specifically not to talk to me. He had said everything was alright, but I knew that it wasn’t. I could see behind his facade that he so cleverly tried to disguise.
I knew I had to tell my other friends though, and so I pulled them aside during lunch, when he was busy doing ‘project-related things’, and told them the news.
“Hey, it probably isn’t a good idea to mention this for obvious reasons, but you know the party I went to the other night? Well, I’m in a relationship again,”
“What? You mean...him?”
“Yeah! I know we haven’t known each other long, but it just seems right, you know. Like something good will come of it.”
“Surely you haven’t got over everything yet though?” A raised eyebrow was enough to say that my friends didn’t quite understand where I was coming from.
“Look, don’t worry about it then. I know what I’m doing though. I just thought should tell you what happened, that’s all.” I should have known that they would be less than pleased, that they would be sceptic to my new path I had chosen, and so I left the room, annoyed at them for not understanding. After everything I had been through with the last ordeal, surely I was allowed what I wanted for once? I could see their point mildly, as it did look like I had just got bored of him and thrown him away, before replacing him with someone else to also eventually get bored of, but it wasn’t like that,. Not at all. Only I could truly understand how I had felt, and how I was feeling now. I had tried explaining to them, but they just didn’t get it. I wasn’t going to try again. It wasn’t worth it, really. All that mattered was that I understood how I felt, and so did he, and that he knew that I was not using him as a simple replacement for what I used to have. Because what I felt for him was real, so real, that I couldn’t even fake it if I tried.
I couldn’t quite understand why my friends had to be so sceptical of everything that happened to me, but I guessed it figured. I had acted like a deluded, self absorbed stalker before, so why should they trust what I was saying now? Maybe I was just being stupid, thinking all this. Or maybe I was right. At least partly right. Maybe they just didn’t understand like they should. I didn’t know what to do, but I guessed that it would all blow over eventually. And even if it didn’t for a while, I still had him. And that was what I wanted. It may have sounded bad, but no one else quite mattered at the moment.
“Hey, how are you?” He had phoned again, exactly the same time as before, and I glad that he had. Seeing as my friend had abandoned me, I needed someone else to talk to.
“I’m good, but...” I didn’t quite know what to say. “ I told my friends today. They didn’t act like I’d hoped they would.”
“Why? What did they say?”
“They just seemed a bit...dubious about it, that’s all. I think it’s because they’re friends with him. They didn’t understand how I could be over him already.”
“Well, you said that you hadn’t felt anything for him for a long time, right?”
“Yeah, I guess I didn’t go into quite as much detail about that part with them. Oh well, they’ll get over it eventually.”
“Don’t worry about it, okay? We have a lot to look forward to.”
I was still excited about the fact that we were going out, despite the fact that it was already two days into the relationship. It was like a new journey for me, into a completely different country and culture. His culture, the culture I should be in. The one where communication is necessary, and time vital. So different from what I had become used to. That culture was one I wouldn’t be visiting again.
“I know. Thank you, for being there. Seriously. I can’t wait to see you again. Shall we make it Wednesday after college?”
“Yeah, let’s. We need to spend more time together!”
I was glad someone finally had the same views as me. Which, in my opinion, were the right views.
I checked my phone that evening before going to bed. I rarely did, but now, now I had a reason to. I had someone to communicate with, who I actually cared about. I didn’t mind texting my friends but it was rarely useful, or even interesting.
I had a text from him. I never used to get texts in my previous relationship. They were a rarity in themselves. This one however, had been sent straight after I had come off the phone. There had been no delay; he had simply moved from one form of communication to the other. I opened it, wondering what it would say.
‘Don’t worry about anything, okay? I’m here for you, whatever happens. Other people’s opinions don’t matter, it’s what you and I think that really counts. Please don’t get stressed over this. We can discuss it on Wednesday. Ily xxxxx’
I looked at the end of the text. He had written ‘Ily’! I was silly for pointing such a trivial thing out, but it still made me happy to see it. So much so, that I spent a good minute or two re-reading the text, and thinking about how he was such a caring, nice guy. And how I, of all people, had managed to get someone like that, someone that I really didn’t deserve, after everything I had put certain people through. It was crazy how things ended up working out. I wasn’t complaining though, as I was pleased with the end result. I had what I wanted, and so did he. We had each other, and that was what counted.