When we look at each other,
I sense the notions
that unravel throughout our correlated minds.
They're just emotions.
When we embrace
I feel a spark,
like electricity, connecting our figures.
They're just feelings.
And late at night
'Ily' laces the texts
that you send.
They're just words.
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me,
Until the next thing comes along.
The weeks were passing. We were still as one. I was happy. Happier than I had ever been. We had seen each other properly four or five times since our castle park meet-up in the next month, and although I felt it wasn’t enough, I still got to spend time with him and so felt positive about it.
Our contact was few and far between in a physical sense, due to college and the fact that he did not seem to want the relationship apparent among others. I was still confused about that, but decided to let it go, purely because of my adoration for him. I didn’t want to annoy him, or make him feel like he had upset me. I wanted the relationship to work, and so I believed that going by what he wanted would be the best way to execute this.
However, inside college, we were seeing a lot of each other. Mainly as friends, with the occasional relationship-type meeting away from the public’s eye. We only had one lesson together, but before registration, at break, during lunch, and straight after school we would meet up, using the time preciously. Some of our frees matched, and so we would often meet during them as well.
One time, during a free we both had, he came over to me, smiling, and looking inquisitive. I had got used to the looks he gave, and understood that he would have something to ask me once he had made it to my side of the room. Not asking for something, but rather asking for permission. What he was going to ask though I was not expecting. It was the question I thought he would never bring up.
“I think we should tell the others. What do you think?”
His bluntness and straight to the point attitude surprised me, but I responded quickly, excited at the fact that very soon people might know about us.
“Yes. Yes! I think we should. It’s been a while now.”
“Okay. I’ll do it now.” He turned and walked away, approaching another group of his friends. I watched their reactions as he spoke to them, wondering what would happen. Wondering if they would smile, or laugh, or be disappointed. I was friends with them as well and so hoped that the latter two would not be options. They all smiled as he told them. One clapped him on the back. One, apparently eager to know more, stepped forwards and bombarded him with questions I couldn’t quite hear due to the background noise. The others joined in, and it was apparent to me that they were happy for us, and not angry or jealous or sad or any other negative emotion. They looked over at me, and now, feeling slightly embarrassed at the attention, I turned away, pretending to be absorbed in something else. I was relieved though, that we had been able to tell someone. I vowed to myself that I would tell all my other friends by the end of the day.
People were talking about us. Not in a bad way. But as we walked down the corridor, hand in hand, you could tell from their reactions that they were intrigued as to why we were acting in such a manner. It had still been hard to convince him to show affection publicly, even after people finding out, but eventually he had given in. Other couples walked round college like that, which was my reasoning as to why we should. I felt proud to be his girlfriend, to walk round owning him, and visibly being able to show that he was mine. I had something that no one else had. Something that, in my mind, was most desirable.
After a couple of days, the talking and attention had died down, and college was nearly back to its normal self. Me and him were old news, as far as everyone else was concerned. Despite other people knowing it was still hard to find time to be with each other though. We were trying to find as many ways as possible to spend time with each other without anyone else interfering. We had come in early to school, and stayed late. His latest suggestion, was to spend time in one of his frees. Though for that period I should have been in my English class. I was dubious of whether to skip the class, something I hadn’t really done before, but it was for him, and so I did, wanted to show my devotedness to him in a different way. I was not one of the people to act rebellious within college, but since going out with him, it was like it didn’t matter.
We met outside the common room at half two. There was exactly one hour left until college finished. I had to be careful where I went as I did not want to get caught skipping class, and so we sat for a couple of minutes, thinking of where we could possibly go. In the end we decided to walk around outside, looking for an empty room or hidden area where we could be, without disturbance from teachers or other students.
There was one place in particular that caught my eye. A hut that should have been demolished a long time ago still remained within the grounds, with no particular use. It was dark inside, and the door was open. We went in, checking beforehand that no one witnessed us occupying it. Once in, we both sat down on one of the desks. It was fairly cold, but I was with him, and that was all that mattered.
I opened my mouth to start a conversation, but before I could, he had fast approached me, grabbed me by my shoulders, and started kissing me. It was more intense than the previous times, and I could detect a certain longing within his kiss that I hadn’t felt before. We continued for minutes, my pulse and mind racing during the moment, until eventually he pulled away, stroking my hair with his hand, and sat down beside me again. I stared into his eyes, and he stared back. There was a mutual feeling of desire so strong, it was hard to ignore it. We sat in that hut for the rest of the remaining hour, able to release the tension that had built up over the past couple of months that so badly needed to be.
I was still thinking about that moment the next day, as we sat together in the secret spot under the stairs, casually embracing. I so badly wanted another moment like that; a chance to revel in the physical side of the relationship that we so rarely got to uncover. Of course, conversation was a more important aspect, but I liked balance, and I wasn’t getting it.
“Want to stay over mine tonight?”
“I don’t have any stuff!”
“Oh well, you can borrow one of my shirts or something...”
I laughed. He was sweet, in an odd, accidental sort of way. I accepted his proposal, forgetting about the lack of necessities, and instead concentrating on the concept of what the night would be like. Alone.
“Sure, I’ll meet you outside the gates?”
“Yeah.” His smile was infectious – when he was happy I was happy, and so my mouth formed a curve so great I was almost euphoric. I now had another thing to look forward to, again involving him, and the fact that he also was looking forward to it made it even better in my mind.
This was only the second time I had been to his house. The first time that I had been there alone. I was curious about how the evening would pan out – what would happen, what wouldn’t happen. Our experiences alone had never resulted to much, as we were never as alone as we could have been. His room had been tidied for me coming over, and a blow-up bed had been placed on the floor where the notebooks and sketchbooks had resided previously. It was hard to remember the details of his room as so much space was cramped within it.
After dinner and a film we had come up to his room, already slightly tired from the day’s events, but also just wanted to be alone to talk, and spend time with each other. I had borrowed one of his shirts to wear as pyjamas, oversized and surprisingly warm. We sat together on the floor, reminiscing on previous times in our relationship.
Eventually he suggested that we lie down, as it was getting late. We had been assigned a separate bed each, but instead of following this rule we both took up the blow-up bed on the floor. He lay down first, and I followed him, putting my arm over his chest and facing his side. We continued talking, personally and from the heart. These were my favourite moments with him, the ones where we could just be ourselves, and forget about the outside world.
I was the inquisitive one for once, contrasting with the last time I had been round his house. There were still things I did not know about him, despite my closeness with him, and finding out these secrets and hidden pieces of information kept me gripped.
As we talked, I began to yawn, not from boredom, as I was finding the night one of the best I had experienced, but from tiredness of my mind. We had discussed many a thing, and it tired me out. Sensing this tiredness I had, he got up to turn off the light, and then returned, lying down next to me again and putting his arm round me, slightly awkwardly but still there. We lay there together in each other’s arms for the rest of the night, gradually falling asleep, thinking about the other. It was a romantic gesture to me, different to all the other times, and as I drifted off to sleep, I collected the scene in my mind, never to be forgotten.