like the glint in windows and beads of bloodMature

//tw for selfharm

and i spent most of last night 
with my skin in a knot 

slicing bread with a knife 
and being unable to put it down 
fingers sliding along the edge of the blade

the gleam of silver metal reflecting in the mirrors of my irises 
and i put it down 
clinking against the kitchen counter as i leave the room

and this, 
weaning myself off an addiction
has been difficult

as it is bound to be 

i am just trying to keep myself alive
is that so much to ask 
all i want is not to feel the cravings anymore 
because i don't want to be this way anymore. 

i am so f-cking tired, 
and nobody 
nobody will lay me down to sleep 

and i refuse to give in to death 
maybe just out of sheer stubbornness. 

god knows. 

The End

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