Letters That Will Never Be Sent

***TRIGGER WARNING*** I didn't think I would post this so it does mention self harm at the end, sorry

This is just a letter that will never be sent filled with words I cant say

Because I can't talk to you anymore and your voice was my safety net

And now that you're gone I'm just getting worse every day

I've lost my sanity and no one can ever bring it back

I find myself writing these stupid letters to you all the time

I don't know why because you've been gone for over a year

But still the guilt is suffocating me like I've committed the worst of crimes
I'm trying to convince myself that it wasn't me

That I wasn't the one that brought you back down to the ground

But my heart knows that if it wasn't for me, you'd still be here

Because I remember the night that started with such a normal sound

It was one of my favorites actually because it meant you were there

That quiet song that song by Billy Joel that was my ring tone

I answered your call and heard your broken voice saying goodbye
Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have picked up the phone

But I did and now I'm just trying to get a little better

But the thing is, maybe I don't want to be okay

Maybe I want to sit a drag a piece of silver across my skin

You used to wonder why I did it but I would never say

I just said I didn't know and convince you to stop asking

Because the blood that I spill releases the darkness in my mind

I didn't want you to know that that little silver escape was my only constant

I didn't want you to know that I left everything I loved behind

Because you were oblivious to some of the things I did

I would sit in the bathroom on the cold floor

When I didn't think I could go another minute

When I just couldn't handle the feelings anymore

I would do the one thing you hated the most

Even now that you're gone and not coming back

I turn to that little silver escape of mine

It's always in the back of mind, ready to attack

But I guess I'll just go with it until the day that I give up

The End

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