They have seen my true skin, and have decided me worthless.
I knew that I was worthless, but to have it affirmed confirmed my beliefs.
I want no Savior.
I want no deliverance.
I understand now.
I truly do.
That all along I was waiting and hoping.
For something deep down I knew wouldn't come true.
What was I hope for?
Who am I to deserve love?
Love is for the deserving.
Love is for the perfect.
They don't love me, they cannot love me.
I am undeserving of love, drowning in my own imperfection.
Just leave me here to die.
Let me slowly fade away into nothing.
I pray I become a shadow in their minds.
Of what I had been.
That they feel no hurt when I am gone.
I know I am selfish to be thinking such things.
But how can I cope?
How can I go on?
Perfection is putting yourself above others.
So we will go down this road called "recovery".
We will fake our healing.
I will do it swiftly.
Because nobody needs to see my imperfections.
I can fix them myself.