Selfish

Broken. 

Desolate.

They have seen my true skin, and have decided me worthless.

I knew that I was worthless, but to have it affirmed confirmed my beliefs.

I want no Savior.

I want no deliverance.

I understand now.

I truly do.

That all along I was waiting and hoping.

For something deep down I knew wouldn't come true.

What was I hope for? 

For love? 

Who am I to deserve love?

Love is for the deserving. 

Love is for the perfect.

They don't love me, they cannot love me.

I am undeserving of love, drowning in my own imperfection.

Just leave me here to die. 

Let me slowly fade away into nothing.

I pray I become a shadow in their minds.

Of what I had been.

That they feel no hurt when I am gone. 

I know I am selfish to be thinking such things.

But how can I cope? 

How can I go on? 

No.

Perfection is putting yourself above others.

So we will go down this road called "recovery". 

We will fake our healing.

I will do it swiftly.

Because nobody needs to see my imperfections.

I can fix them myself.