lantern festivalMature

I lay down by your grave tonight and wept

you always told me follow the light

even after you lost your sight

you still insisted you knew the way,

right until the end. 

Fire. Rubble, mess.

Smoke, bliss, your kiss ... sounds. Shake. 



Fall, stumble, scrape,

where is she? 


Where is she? 


Shout her name, she is lost somewhere,


I can't, I need you, don't leave, don't disappear into the night, 

you always told me to follow the light, 

but this time

it didn't lead the right way. 

Come back, I'm sorry, I love you.

Come back, I didn't know the fight we had 

would be the last words you spoke 

as you walked out the door, got on the train, said you 

didn't want to see me 



I can't. 

Not without you.  

I was two seconds too late in my chase, 

two seconds too late before the doors slid shut and the wheels clattered 

and the whistle blew and I knew, 

my whole world would come unglued.  

I ran down the platform, searching for your face in the windows, 

coping with an impossible hope 

I'd get one last undeserved chance to see your face before fate tore you away. 

Three words, 

that's all I needed to say, 

those three words, I could mouth to you, 

three words my lips knew backwards and forwards, I needed to tell you, to save you, 

needed to say I loved you one more time, 

I didn't mean to cross the line, 

I didn't mean for you to cry.  

Come back, get off this track, I'm not insane, I'm just crazy for you, 

come home and we'll fix this, 

I know we're both broken 

but together we are complete.

Can't you see you need me as much as I need you?

Come home so I can run my fingers through your hair as I sing you to sleep, 

don't tell me this is the last lullaby I'll play, 

don't tell me you won't find me in your dreams. 

I love you, I love you,

 don't leave me like this.

But as I sprinted the train wheels squealed ,

and the steam rose,

and I knew I was losing grip, grasping water,

feeling it slip through my finger tips,

I screamed your name until my throat was raw,

I screamed so loud I never saw the flash of white light when the bomb went off, 

and then I was flying through the air,

over the rails, through shattered glass 

I caught a glimpse of you 

as I passed, 

head exploding into a waterfall of rubies, 

eyes large and vacant.

Mouth sewn shut in shock I watched, 

trapped in an eternity of time moving by minute long seconds,

until gravity grabbed me and slammed my body to the ground,

and all went black and through it I found light.

Then fog, then smoke, then hands pulling me up through the brokenness. 


Are you alive? 


You're going to be okay. 


Where is she? 


I need her. 


Take your hands off me, she's still trapped in that train. 


No, let me go, I need her, I need to tell her I love her, you don't understand.  

I wrenched myself free and I ran, 

collapsed onto blooded knees, 

then crawled, so determinedly I dragged myself to where you lay.

Before death had a chance to pull the lids down on your eyes,

I thought I saw a last glimmer of life,

but it was only the spark of a last bit of flame,

then it was gone. 


Rain fell, softly, apologetically around us,

your hair singed off, your body strewn in pieces across the miles of moaning people. 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I begged you to forgive me,

because it was me, 

not you, 

that was supposed to be on that train,

the one mistake in my murderous game, the phone in your hand 

was mine, 

programmed the morning you got angry with me and told me I paid no heed to your needs,

you snatched it away, I was fiddling with it instead of listening,

you took it and ran out the door,

not knowing that you held a one way ticket to unimaginable pain, 

not knowing you grasped the fate of a hundred people a button click away, 

not knowing you were about to innocently partake in a castastrophy

I spent years planning just to see the fireworks,

and in the end it was you that burst into a thousand colors. 

You took my suicide mission, while I lay clouded in care, in pity 

with beautiful people telling me to 


without knowing that the real criminal was me.  

I lay down by your grave tonight and wept,

you always told me follow the light

even after you lost your sight

you still insisted you knew the way,

right until the end.

The End

0 comments about this poem Feed