A simple unsaid word, a turn of the eyes. You have left me in tears. So easily taken control of my heart. The one's who know us best and we love the most hurt us the most. We do we care? Why do we have to care?
Its triggering, wondering if this is it. I'm tired, I want to give up. I want to punish myself, for every little sin I have ever committed. Even if that sin is false, even if I know its false. I want to know where to get rid of the pain hidden deep in my heart. But where should I take it? Where shall it go?
Is there something wrong with me, that I would want or even think these things? That I worry myself to a frenzy over things others consider stupid? Am I THAT insecure and lost that I consider myself the weaker link of life? Constantly pushed down, the weak link, the servant to all, the walking doormat. And I accept it. This is my calling.
I want to be alone, I don't want to feel pain. I don't want to inflict pain on others. I am tired of this world and the pain. I am tired of people, I am worn out from relationships. People constantly let down others, the people that shouldn't be let down.
Nobody deserves this. Nobody. Why are people so inconsiderate to the very people they should be sensitive too. To the point sleeping with tears, asking God to take this soul home, wanting to punish His body.
Why is this life so very difficult?