At least 365 poems portraying who I really am, to say the least.
I’m not a toy,
So I shouldn’t break…
Yet you’ve torn me in half.
And to think,
You used to give me looks,
Such as the prince gave to the princess in fairytale books.
As if to say
“Hey, I think you’re looking mighty fine.”
Despite you never asking for my heart formally,
Normally, we shared smiles,
And you even walked me a mile home;
That was enough for me.
We spoke about heading to the beach that summer,
Oh, what a bummer I let my poor self image make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I never looked thin,
In a one piece or two,
So I was through with those plans,
All of that.
No matter what though, you never thought I was fat,
Which made me adore you even more.
I thought that our time together had opened a door up,
For making more memories last.
I’d never realize that our time was fading fast,
That I’d only have our past memories to comfort me.
Everyone thought we were so sweet together,
The whispers and childish giggles for no reason.
That year, every season,
We had been inseparable.
I was sure every day,
You’d notice how much you could make my heart sway,
And finally make us a couple.
But one day it all stopped.
I don’t know who, what, when, where, why, or how,
But my heart dropped,
And I instantly dropped ten pounds that week.
I wouldn’t speak,
When I was spoken to,
I turned the other cheek,
So as to avoid the hurt.
I felt like dirt.
We became friends when you picked me up a day that I was down,
But a year later,
What I found,
Is that you’d push me down further than before.
It’s not that you had no feelings for me,
It’s that you couldn’t see,
That we could be friends still.
To be able to explain that to you.
Our friendship ended,
Hurting me the most,
Like a ghost of the past.
The pain did last,
For about six months.
But I moved on.
And just when I had moved on,
You told me,
That you loved me.
You wanted homecoming and even senior prom together,
As if saying that would choose whether or not I stay or go.
I said no.
My whole life,
People make me love them,
Only to rip out a piece of me,
Like a petal off a rose’s stem.
But what’s worse?
They come back every time to try to reclaim the part of me they destroyed.
I suppose now, I’m a bit annoyed.
Left me for a wife 30+ years younger,
But since he’s moved back,
Has a hunger,
To buy my love,
He gave me $40 just two days ago.
Like that would change things.
He left me when I was six,
And we were best friends,
Told me he would be on a business trip.
To the present,
He presents himself here and now,
With a 7 and a 5 year old daughter.
Craving my love.
Lets just say,
It’s hard enough for me to give him just a hug.
My other grandparents never find the time,
Pretend like I’m a mime when I come over,
Invisible and silent,
Though I’m pleading for just a moment of their attention.
Did I mention,
They bought me an ipad mini, legwarmers, and gave money galore,
Any other kid couldn’t have asked for more.
I’m not any other kid.
I gave back the mini and most of the money.
I got four offers for tablets,
And three for apple products,
It honestly sucks,
That the currency for love is now money.
And people always think I frown without a reason,
But it’s now set as my regular face.
We’ve set up a fast paced society,
Where there’s rarely time for love,
And having gifts showered atop you is the next best thing.
That you aren’t in true love,
Unless a diamond ring caresses the fourth finger to the left,
On your left hand.
Maybe I’m crazy,
Too young and too lazy,
Too less of a proper young lady to know what love even is.
I know though,
The way things are looking,
I’ll never be truly in love.
I’m not pretty,
but I’m pretty sure that I have plenty more hurt to come.
I’m not thin,
I’m just another person with skin, like everyone else.
I’m not beautiful.
Beautiful means full of beauty,
And the only thing I’m full of is remorse.
But because of you,
And the happiness you gave me those twelve months,
I’ll keep searching for beauty in the world.
And it’s not just you,
It’s a dozen plus people that return,
Just when I believe we are through.
Don’t ever think I’m mad,
I’m just a little bit… disappointed...
Thanks for those days together,
I’ll never forget them.