jailbreak

I've been working on a jailbreak
Keep it calm with the fast pace
Any moment 'til the day breaks
No more time to get to know you
- Jailbreak, Awolnation

because i am something other than what i used to be, 
plaid-flannel shirts and annotation-socks 
love for reptiles and thin breaths in morning air

i don't know what i was, 
all those years ago. 

small and wide, 
much like i am now 
but pillowed with baby fat.

i know that i have friends, 
and i still have bad days and good days, 
and i know that whoever i am is okay. 

i guess i knew, to some extent. 

but it still feels like a 
sucker-punch to the gut

when i realized
that i'm never going to 
be fully free from depression. 

there's no fix-it cure, 
no immediate gratification
or backup options. 

it's just me
and it. 

i'm trying, god knows, 
but i'm also an atheist - 
i guess my assurances are useless. 

The End

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