Just carving a Halloween pumpkin... Out of my OWN HEAD!!!
Halloween I was taken prisoner
by a beastly looking man.
He forced me do unspeakable things
I'll describe them if I can.
He asked me so politely
my demented kidnapper did
to take a surgical scalpel
and slice off my own eyelids.
For if I let him do it,
he would not be so kind.
He'd slash with rusty scissors
and likely leave me blind.
My shaking hands picked up the knife
and gingerly slit my skin.
Bloody tears wet both my cheeks
as my twisted captor grinned.
I prayed that he would leave me
when the sickening job was done.
My unblinking eyes shone sad surprise
when he said we'd just begun.
His next request was ghastly
as his chilling laughter rose.
He said I should then use the blade
to remove my entire nose.
For if I let him do the job
with his axe so worn and dull,
he could tremble with excitement
then miss and crush my skull.
So I pinched my nose with one hand
and with the other cut down deep.
I carved until I hit the bone
to please this evil creep.
He said he had just one last task;
the worst one yet I fear.
He ordered me slice open both my cheeks
til my mouth stretched ear to ear.
So first the left, and then the right
I ripped from lips to jaw.
The twisted fiend was clearly pleased
by my jack-o-lantern maw.
He was delighted with my handiwork
saying what a good boy I'd been.
He spoke once more as he finally left
wishing me, "Happy Halloween!"
As I sat there with a shredded face
you can imagine my exasperation
when I realized the nefarious man
was just a figment of my imagination.