It was all just a joke back then.

The real effects don't set in till later.

And then the jokes on you. Ha-ha.

But it was never really a joke to begin with.

No sarcastic satires, no hardy laugh-filled humor.

To describe the way it made me feel is ... indescribable.

To fully understand it you'd have to experience it. And I'd wish that on no one.

But it's hard. It's hard to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay, sometimes.

It's hard to accept the fact that it has happened. That it can't be taken back. And that it all happened for a reason. Cause it did, right? If it didn't happen for a reason then it wouldn't have happened, right?

It was all just a joke back then.

But now. Now comes the aftermath.

Like the massive destruction left after tsunamis and earthquakes.

That is what is now. Now comes the hurt and the pain, the confusion, the sadness. And most of all, the "why me?" Now comes the tears and the sleepless nights. Now comes those moments when you can't go on any longer. Those moment when if someone so much as touched you, you'd shatter into a million pieces, your broken heart among the rubble.

Now comes the feeling of filth. Of being nothing more than what he said you were. Now comes the thought that a million showers wouldn't make you feel clean again. Now comes the struggle of every step you take and every move you make, bearing the weight of your burden.

Let go they say. Move on they say. But that's not something you can recover from, sometimes. That's not something you bounce back from.

How can you just let go of what haunts your nightmares?

How can you just set free the very thing that had you bound, that had trapped you?

How can you just move on from your memories?

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