it was cold last night.

it was cold last night.

and I didn't know,

until I took a step outside

and saw my street

blanketed in snow.

I took a walk down the street.

thin, baggy T-shirt and tough bare feet.

trembling hands and old pajama pants.

powdery snow in between my toes.

the inability to breath out of my nose.

the struggle to decide whether or not I wanted to continue to breath,

reasons for which I cannot disclose.

I liked how the wind

lashed at my bare arms

so that I didn't have to

in order to try to feel.

I had lost the ability

to feel

anything

at all.

so all the wind did

was whip up the snow

and remind me

that I should've felt could.

I liked how the snow

falling from the sky

didn't land only on my shoulders.

if it did,

then I wouldn't even notice.

I wouldn't become more numb.

I wouldn't shake it off.

I would be passive and take it

the same way

that I take on the weight of my world

each and every day.

the weight of the world

was too much to bear.

if only others decided stick around and help and care,

so that I wouldn't go ahead and tear

out my hair,

or go out on a walk at night

in a T-shirt

in the cold winter air.

I just wanted to scream.

I looked up at the sky.

the stars seemed so serene.

I began to cry.

my tears ran down my chin,

then froze on my skin,

and I chose to decide

I didn't want to die.

why oh why should I die

when the stars in the sky,

up, up oh so high

make me begin to feel?

make me begin to cry?

the stars:

while up so high,

and so far away,

they can be seen by everyone,

from everywhere,

every which way.

so there must be others

who aren't okay,

who cannot feel anything,

just like me every single day.

so maybe I'm not the only one,

or maybe I am.

either way,

I'll never think I'm alone ever again.

it was cold last night.

I was finally able to feel it.

finally able

to feel

anything

at all.

The End

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