when it happens, it always catches me off guard.

I'll be doing fine, and suddenly I'm not.

Like a ghost crept into the corners of my mind

not to frighten but to leave a trail behind

an echoed whisper slowly resides

and fades.

I once lived in this place.

it's not like I have any lack of friends or men

in my life.

I met a boy who plays the drums

and only ever wears blue sweaters

even though he likes green better,

dressed for winter in the middle of September,

because, he says, never to be caught off guard

is how he lives.

This is when I kissed him.

So he wears blue and I collect fruit stickers

and what a wonderful weird combination 

we create,

but yet every time we spend together

I make him promise what happens remains between him and I,

not because I'm ashamed or shy

to be with the sweater guy,

but because I don't want you to find out,

even though you are on the other side of my world,

even though it's been almost a month since I was your girl,

even though we don't talk anymore,

even though I have single written all over


It's the same reason why I paste barcodes from oranges and apples

on to the pages of my notebooks,

hoping I'll be able to show you

how much our collection has grown.

I still can't shake that hope, that need

someday, you'll come back to me.

it has no logic, no explanation,

no cure or prescription.

No amount of books or brandy,

happiness or candy

can drown out that little ghost inside my head,

a spirit that sleeps in my bed

and says,

I used to sleep here.

You are gone, but for me, you never are.

You're just around the corner, 

you're the shadow behind me that I can never quite see,

you're waiting with your back leaned up against a tree,

extending a hand covered in stickers you saved for me.

It's not that difficult to explain,

but so hard to say.

Those three simple words

for me, will always be unheard.

I miss you.

The End

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