every time it ends in ruins and tears and me being too cold at night because the ceiling is the only thing i stare at these days and i miss you so much it hurts

i don't want to see

broken love anymore.

i have enough of it 
playing on repeat 
behind my eyelids
as i sleep. 

girls i've loved, 
laughing with bright smiles, 
standing at midnight, 
going cross-eyed for my amusement, 
leaving without telling me. 

i'm too young for this, 
i tell myself over and over, 
but there's no age for heartbreak. 

i want to see couples who make it, 
queer young girlfriends or boyfriends
who just love each other. 

and that's it, 
end of story. 

no angry parents,
no mindless yelling, 
no knives. 

i want to rest her head on my shoulder, 
not have to sneak kisses in the dead of night, 
sit on trains and wonder if i'll ever see her again. 

i want to fall in love 
and i don't want to have to guard my heart

i've never truly left any of my love behind, 
never fallen out, 
just tucked it away somewhere safe
and tried to pull sheets over it
to muffle the beats of pain. 

what did we ever do to deserve this, my darling?
why did we get this world?

i want to run my hands across the planes of your back, 
pull you down for a hug, 
laugh myself silly when you piggyback me.

but i can't.

because this isn't for you anymore, 
because people are stupid 
and you always were too tender. 

i guess i want a world 
where love works out

simply because it feels 
like mine never does. 

The End

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