and i know, i know,
we're too young to be broken permanently
i'm pushing the edge.
with your starry eyes
that gloss with tears
and i want to wrap my arms around you,
pull you in,
tell you that i love you,
because i do.
but i won't.
stay away, please
i know you tell me everything you
pretend to others isn't happening
but i also know
that i dump my problems on you
with long-winded cries for help,
the way my legs tremble under me
when i sit on my windowsill at night,
feet dangling into the cold air,
wondering if a two-storey drop
would do anything but shatter my bones
and darling, you talk about death
like it's some kind of escape route
and i don't understand why you stay friends with me
i don't get it on a fundamental level,
i have to be missing something.
i'm not a likeable person,
and i can't imagine anyone ever falling in love with me.
i just can't
so i think it's better if you leave.
at least this way i won't have to wait for the day
you finally get sick of me and walk away
so please just go.
one day you'll want to.
and it sounds idiotic,
i remember everyone who leaves.
and i'm not sure i could handle it
if i have to put your name on that list
without any warning.
i'm afraid that if i don't push you away,
it'll just hurt more when you finally learn to hate me
and it sounds selfish,
i know that,
but i've spent so many evenings
on that goddamn windowsill
with our chats open on my screen
staring at the clock
as it ticks to 2 am
and you have had to put up with me
as i whine on and on about
how my world feels like it's
splintering off in pieces around me
so i beg of you,