i'm breathing gasoline and i'm terrified that one day i will meet a flame

and i know, i know, 
we're too young to be broken permanently 

but darling, 
i'm pushing the edge. 

with your starry eyes
that gloss with tears
and i want to wrap my arms around you, 
pull you in, 
tell you that i love you, 
because i do. 

but i won't. 
stay away, please

i know you tell me everything you 
pretend to others isn't happening

but i also know 
that i dump my problems on you 
with long-winded cries for help, 
the way my legs tremble under me
when i sit on my windowsill at night, 
feet dangling into the cold air, 
wondering if a two-storey drop
would do anything but shatter my bones

and darling, you talk about death
like it's some kind of escape route
and i don't understand why you stay friends with me

i don't get it on a fundamental level, 
i have to be missing something. 

i'm not a likeable person, 
and i can't imagine anyone ever falling in love with me. 
i just can't

so i think it's better if you leave. 
at least this way i won't have to wait for the day 
you finally get sick of me and walk away

so please just go. 
one day you'll want to.

and it sounds idiotic, 

i remember everyone who leaves. 

and i'm not sure i could handle it
if i have to put your name on that list
without any warning. 

i'm afraid that if i don't push you away, 
it'll just hurt more when you finally learn to hate me

and it sounds selfish, 
i know that, 
but i've spent so many evenings
on that goddamn windowsill 
with our chats open on my screen 
staring at the clock 
as it ticks to 2 am

and you have had to put up with me
as i whine on and on about 
how my world feels like it's
splintering off in pieces around me

so i beg of you, 

just go

The End

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