I'm Better Than You

a silly song I wrote for my unborn child.

I’m a much better dancer and singer than you, a better fighter and writer and scholar,
I’ve read more books, watched more TV, and I’m funnier and wiser and taller.
I’m better at cooking and cleaning and fixing things-- better, at least, than you!
I know more about politics, history, physics, dinosaurs, and tying my shoe.

I spy more flies with my little eye… see there’s one, there’s one, and there’s one. 
I've more strength in my pinky than you have at all-- I am Superman by comparison!
I can write better poems, believe it or not, and I can color inside the lines,
Yes I draw more realistically, paint more creatively, and come up with better rhymes.

I have more friends, 
I eat more food,
I can be more polite, 
and I can be more rude, 
and if you’d like to beg to differ, then be my guest...
But just know that at reason and persuasion, I am the best.

I’m better at throwing and catching and kicking, whether balls or pillows or people,
and yet I’m still better at careful precision, with chopsticks or thread and a needle.
I have better penmanship, cursive or print, and type more words per minute than you can,
I’m cooler and hipper, yet more of a nerd, and a much bigger Doctor Who fan.

I know a lot more words and infinitely more numbers, I’m better at remembering details,
I’ve been to more places and seen more things, and I’m quicker at replying to emails.
I can walk and run and swim and drink and drive a whole lot faster,
And even at crawling on floors on all fours... compared to you, I am a master. 

I make more folks laugh, 
and more dogs run,
I talk more trash, 
I have more fun,
and when I say it like this, I know I sound like a bit of an ass...
But I promised I'd never lie to you, and these are the facts.

I’m better at every board game, even the ones that I’ve never played,
and I'm pretty sure you couldn't tell me the difference between a diamond and a spade.
I’ve played more violent video games, heard profanity in several more languages,
I’ve done more drugs and drank more booze and seen more pornographic images.

I’m better at earning and spending and saving, and I could barter you under the table,
I’m better at caring and sharing and shaving, and smarter in every way imaginable.
My imagination is also wilder and freer, yet more down-to-earth when I need it,
I’m more of a dreamer and still more of a thinker than you are, ya better believe it.

So it's plain to see
that as of yet,
I am better than you,
the bar is set, 
and if you'd like to prove me wrong there's work to be done...
So come out whenever you’re ready, the game is on.

The End

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