if you find out, have found out, i beg you to keep this under your tongue in silence - cc, mc, i will only ask this once

cc and mc

you know who you are 

please, if you find this, 
don't tell. 
this is the only thing in my life helping me to hold on 
and you cannot cut that string

we all know i wouldn't survive it 

the poetry that curls your names in quiet dissatisfaction 
and whispers precious secrets about the ways we clash in a delicate dance 
fragile relationships i am so scared to break in spider-web-thin cracks

cc, you are treasured
i know you think you're brash and scraping
like sandpaper gritting against your own senses
but you're sweet and funny 
and talking to you makes me smile 

something that rarely occurs these days 

you are the only one who's ever really had enough patience 
to stick with me even as i changed and evolved

i have something i'll only say once 
wound tight in the cradle of my ribs:

you were the only person who ever loved me the way i needed to be loved. 

and i know you're worried 
i know i'm getting just a little bit better 
so please just keep going with me 

you believe i can make it
and you make me want to be better
something i haven't felt in absolute ages

and mc,
you've seen this before. 

the thin slope of mental illness
rapidly becoming more and more vertical 
straight up like the sun 



i'm trying, 
i promise, 
and i need you to have faith in me.


you're my sister
and i know we've been drifting apart

i know you're back
if only a little bit 
and as much as i hate it 

you need to trust me on this. 

please don't tell, 
mc or cc,
i ask for so little in blind honesty

but this is the one thing i will hold you to. 

The End

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