Finding and Recreating HerselfMature

This poem is slightly older and it was the mistake brought on by the biggest mistake that I have ever made.... the mistake that I wish I could take back but I cant because you have moved on and I pretended I had to but I hadn't and there is no way to change it because now you are gone and you love her and I am nothing to you now..... I miss you this is what happened while you were gone. Im sorry I hurt you, if you read this you know who you are.

She wants nothing more than to find herself.

To know who she is  she runs down ever self distructive path to dig deep.

She promised

Shed never let herself get this bad. Shed never do anything

hard shed

stay soft.

She left herself run

along the empty corridores of

weed, cigarettes and alcohol but tonight...

that was different.

Something snapped in her

She couldnt handle

the pain anymore..

The sound of her own desperate cries..

She wanders aimlessly

down a road

hidden in the past.

She goes to the bathroom

she inhales deeply.

The coke takes over.

She feels dead.

How did she end up

this..

Broken?

She could say

its because shes been

trashed once again

but..

thats an all the time occurance.

She used to being discarded

like yesterdays garbage.

But..

It doesnt hurt any less

Thats not exactly the reason.

Yes when shes high

They dont cross her mind.

She doesnt miss them.

But when shes sober

its like being stabbed.

Her chest convulses

from the pain.

Her heart races

out of control

From the high.

She feels numb.

"Am I alive?"  She questions.

Her heart racing faster.

Body temperature raising.

She cant...

slow down.

Flying,

falling

they're both the same to her as of now.

Help? Take the numb?

Shes trying to find herself

In the darkest halls

of her mind.

To find a reason.

A reason for everything.

She looks in the mirror.

"Who are you?

This isnt you!

Stop! Slow down!"

She screams at herself.

In the end

She still cant find herself.

She looks in the mirror

to see glassed over eyes.

Empty.

A broken smile.

Pain.

She doesnt recognize herself.

Masked by drugs

Thats who she is.

The End

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