if only (a lot of things that could be, none of which people see)Mature

wondering what the point is if nobody bothers to think that i'm an actual person.

i cringe as i step on the bus,
but i hold my head high. 

ace-flag-colored beanie,
buttons of LGTBQ+ support,
Edward Scissorhands ripped t-shirt,
layer of purple plaid,
black jeans,
leather jacket,
crimson converse,

it's pretty damn obvious i'm not a 
good little cishet girl. 

the elderly man closest to me shifts over,
and i remember i'm not in my safe neighbourhood,
not in the gay district. 

i don't know how to act here. 
usually this dim, dark city is at least somewhat safe,
but it does not stop me from fearing so much. 

i am on this bus 
to try and convince a forlorn friend
to go back to high school.

she has not gone to her classes for two months.
i don't know how to do this,
but i'm damn well going to try. 

we might not have a perfect education system,
but it's better than nothing. 
she does not respond to that when i say it. 

these people do not know that.
they do not know that i walk
with the sole pursuit of goodness right now. 

all they see is my sexuality,
because i push it in their faces
because nobody else will. 

if they cannot display their secrets,
i will do it for them so that they 
know it is just a little more safe. 

i did not leave my house like this,
instead yelling that i've left, climbing into the bathroom through the window,
changing and then climbing back out.

a coward move? maybe.
but i don't really feel all that brave 
these thin days. 

when i get there, stepping off the bus, 
i see two old women holding hands on a park bench.
a wedding ring glints on their matching fingers. 

i decide i don't care what the bus-people think. 
they can go fuck themselves. 
i hope my friend goes back to school. 

The End

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