if I could speak "Dog", it would be all woof
and yip and yap and yap
and the occasional time I'd ruff
while on somebody's lap
But if I could speak up as a dog
my life would be quite rich
I'd leave my owner quite agogue
I'd say, "Who you calling b-tch?"
I'd pee on everything, even feet,
call myself a pee tyrant
I'd tell the seniors down the street
to stay clear of fire hydrants
The comely lass with the shapely ass
I'd plead and beg and beg
please just give me just one more pass
to hump that lovely leg
The postman, he steers clear of me
because of the bite marks on his finger
I'd yell across the road to he
"Hey, you dirty minger!"
There'd be lengthy dialogues
on matters diverse and deep
between a master and his dog
"euthanasia: should dogs be put to sleep?"
They'd have me on all the TV shows
while others jumped through hoops
I'd discuss the highs and lows
of rolling in one's poop!